Jim Gaffigan makes the case for beer that tastes like beer
Our contributor Jim Gaffigan knows what he likes ... and would like you to know all about it:
I like beer. This may not surprise you by looking at me; I am an overweight American male in my early 40s. Alright, late 40s.
Alright, let's just say I'm an overweight American male who likes beer. Not just any beer. I like a quality beer that can help me forget that I'm … well, not in my early 40s.
A beer preference is personal. At family reunions my brothers will always make fun of me for liking "fancy beer." "Jimmy and his fancy beer." As far as I can tell, what makes my beer preference "fancy" to my brothers is that it requires a bottle opener, but I'm aware my beer palette is anything but complex.
Now, it seems every city, town and hamlet I visit has its own beer made by locals: Specialty beers, microbrews, craft beers made by community artisans. And I have to tell you, without exception, they're all bad.
I'm not exaggerating! No, I don't care how creative the cute beer name is that has to do with local folklore. I don't care how beautiful the hand-drawn label is of a cactus wrestling a penguin.
The main problem is, well, they don't taste like beer. I guess I'm a traditionalist. I don't want a beer that tastes like chocolate or oranges or avocados. I want a beer that taste like … I don't know, beer.
How did we lose our way? Are we that bored with beer? I don't know about you, but I'm tired of fielding questions for waitstaff like, "How hoppy do you like your beer?" "I don't know – how many hops are in a good-tasting beer?"
Recently I had a bartender try to sell me on a beer that had "a Jolly Rancher kick to it."
Oh, America … what happened?
- Small town America in renewal, starting with craft beer ("Sunday Morning," 05/06/18)
- Bringing craft beer to Germany ("Sunday Morning," 03/15/15)
- Mead, the honey-based brew producing a real buzz ("Sunday Morning," 09/21/14)
- Climate change is hurting craft breweries (CBS Moneywatch, 11/01/17)
- Is the craft beer craze going flat? (CBS Moneywatch, 06/28/16)
- The best internship ever? Get paid to drink beer (CBS Moneywatch, 03/26/16)
- Gallery: Revisiting a revolution in beer-making (CBS News)
More commentaries from Jim Gaffigan:
- On the need for a good nap
- Jim Gaffigan on that other Jim Gaffigan
- On why he doesn't care about the Triple Crown
- On that topic Jim Gaffigan can't talk about
- Skiing is insane
- What's the big deal about owning a boat?
- Why do Americans all have storage units?
- Jim Gaffigan's love letter to his beard
- Jim Gaffigan turns a cold shoulder to massage
- Grateful on Mother's Day
- What's to love about Canada?
- Let's pay people to attend school
- On being a practicing Catholic
For more info:
- Follow @JimGaffigan on Twitter
Story produced by Sara Kugel.
for more features.