Jim Gaffigan: Why do Americans all have storage units?
We take a moment now for an important patriotic message from our Contributor Jim Gaffigan:
As we approach this 4th of July, our country feels more divided than ever. I could talk about what divides us and how I'm right about everything, but I'd rather focus on what we all share in common as Americans.
You see, I'm lucky enough to travel around this great land doing standup for audiences that have really good taste, and I've noticed a few things. It seems wherever I go in America, people seem to have three things in common: We love our country; we love our family; and we all have a storage unit.
Supposedly we live in a throwaway culture. We replace our phones every year, throw out clothes that still fit us, some people even have starter marriages!
But we still have storage units.
You can't drive down a highway in America without passing a storage unit complex. It appears everyone has a storage unit now. Even those people with attics and basements seem to have storage units. I don't know why there are so many storage units -- we can't all be in-between moves!
Maybe it is quantity over quality? Maybe we are all expecting a call from the Smithsonian?
"Hey, do you have an ugly lamp that is also a football helmet? Good! Because we are doing an exhibit on losers. If you could send that to D.C., ask a smart person where it is."
I don't understand the logic of a storage unit. "Hey, you know that ugly stuff we never use? Why don't we pay a stranger to hold onto it? That way we can cringe every month when we realize this stuff isn't worth the monthly charge we're paying."
I think people should stop wasting money on a storage unit, and buy a ticket to my show.
God bless America!
For more info:
- "Jim Gaffigan: Cinco" (Netflix)
- "Cinco" by Jim Gaffigan – Available June 13 on CD (Amazon and Barnes & Noble) and via digital download (Amazon, Google Play and iTunes)
