Nina In New York: Top 5 Bizzare Stories of 2011
A young professional's take on the trials and tribulations of everyday life in New York City.
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In my final round-up for my month-old nephew, O, it feels appropriate to review some of the more inexplicable news stories 2011 has brought us. I think it's important to acknowledge, examine, and appreciate the presence of absurdity in our lives. Otherwise, every day would be like taking another step further into the Kafkaesque, and towards total madness.
So I present to you my top "WTF" moments of the year. O, you're too young to know what that stands for. Also, I'm not supposed to use vulgarity in my columns (except for the stories that follow below).
5. Crazy, crazy everywhere (mostly on the subway). This was the year (or perhaps just A year) of people losing their tenuous grips on reality and baseline human decency while riding the MTA. There's the guy who had a meltdown, stripped completely naked and ran screaming through the subway station, accosting people. There's the guy who made a lollipop out of the bottom of his shoes. There's the woman who took what my grandmother would have called "a French bath" with a gallon jug of water and an empty subway bench. And let us not forget the fight fight over spaghetti and the extremely well-educated and not at all a hoodlum (read: drunk) girl who threw perhaps the most embarrassing tantrum ever after being chastised for cursing and talking loudly on her phone while on a Metro-North train out to Westchester.
4. The earthquake. Uh, we had an earthquake? I mean, we had an earthquake! And it was scary notable. As I felt my chair vibrate beneath me, the possible explanations which crossed my mind (construction, I'm losing my marbles, alien attack) did not at any point include earthquake. Some people had some things shake off the walls, but mainly the result was an afternoon spent reading funny #earthquake tweets and having some version this conversation: "did you feel it? I felt it. Did you feel it? No! Susie felt it. I didn't feel it, I was in a meeting. I was in a meeting and we all felt it!"
3. Everyone's cheating on the SATs. It turns out that half of Long Island has been cheating on the SATs, and many say it's nothing new. Kids hired other kids who are theoretically smarter than they are (but probably just more venal and less lazy), to go in to the test-taking centers armed with fake IDs and complete the tests on their behalf. The baffling parts of this story are many, but I've boiled it down to a few key questions. One: how does a 17-year-old screw-up get his or her hands on the thousands of dollars these standardized assassins charged?. Two: what exactly is everyone being arrested for? Not that I'm against punishing the brats, but I've yet to clearly understand what the legal position is outside of "we're really, really disappointed in you." Three: why do so many people seem to feel they're just a bunch of squirrels trying to get a nut, and the ends justify the means? Do we want children thinking they should do any sleazy thing they can just to look good on paper? Who wants the future generation of college graduates to have succeeded by being devoid of ethics or accountability (or intelligence)? I have two words for you: mortgage crisis.
2. What's up with all the groping? I don't know whether this is an actual 2011 trend, or whether it's simply that more cases are being reported in the news, but it seemed like this was the year of the creepy groper. It seemed nearly every week brought a new story, a new police sketch or security camera still, a new warning to women out there to be alert and watch for these or any other suspicious guys. They're in the subways, on the streets, they're in Brooklyn, Queens, uptown, downtown. Is there some sort of larger organization sending out a network of grabby operatives? Is there a copycat thing going on? Whatever it is, let's hope it ends with the calendar year.
1. Dominique Strauss-Kahn. First he was going to be the next Président de la République française. Then he was a rapist, having been accused of forcing himself on a New York City hotel chambermaid. He tried to escape the country before the "story" broke, only to be grounded at the airport and charged with sexual assault. La pauvre! We all cried, thinking about the poor refugee from Guinea whom the lecherous French politician had attacked. She was a rape victim in her home country too! Except as rage fomented against DSK here and against the US over in France, the victim's story began to crumble. She lied about her past in Guinea. Her account of the night in question kept changing. It seemed more and more likely that the whole thing was a set-up and the encounter was consensual (well, he is still a lecherous French politician, after all). Soon enough, the whole case was dropped and we all had egg on our slack-jawed faces, fists still hanging limply in the air, pitchforks drooping. Whattamess. Oh, and then it apparently became an episode of Law & Order: SVU.
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Dear Readers: While I am rarely at a loss for words, I'm always grateful for column ideas. Please feel free to e-mail me your suggestions.
Nina Pajak is a writer and publishing professional living with her husband on the Upper West Side.
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