Nina In New York: Say Cheese, Rats!
A young professional's take on the trials and tribulations of everyday life in New York City.
By Nina Pajak
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Here's a fun game. Next time you see a rat on the subway tracks, take a photo and you could win a free Metrocard.
It's a pretty smart little promotion on the part of the Transport Workers Union Local 100 to further their "New Yorkers Deserve A Rat Free Subway" campaign. The idea is that people are to take a photo when they see a rat in the subway, and the creepier the better. Then they upload it to ratfreesubways.com, where others can rate their rats. I suppose there are enough iron-stomached folks out there who would be willing to sort through hundreds of amateur rat pictures, assess and vote for a winner. Personally, I couldn't spend more than a minute on the website before I got the willies and the itches and the chills and the cooties, and then I passed out from the toxic combination of ickies. I had to check myself into a clean facility where I showered in OxyClean, drank mouthwash and looked at pictures of puppies until I could fall asleep. I am now resting comfortably.
Of course New Yorkers deserve rat-free subways. More importantly, the people who work in the subways deserve not to be exposed to rat oogies every day. They say the rats are becoming more plentiful and getting more aggressive and braver around people. Looking at a few of the pictures on the website, I can't argue with that. In fact, it makes me realize that the problem is much worse and way more barfish than I'd even imagined. I'd always assumed that rats in the subways were a fact of life, and the change in behavior was due to their exposure to some reactive, mysterious ooze which turned them into humanoid rodents, some of whom are ninja karate masters with a deep and painful past. Oh, wait.
On their website, the TWU Local 100 proposes that the MTA commit to taking the following steps to address this:
- More trash removal pickups from each station
- Patch up rat holes in walls and floors
- Place more platform trash cans in stations
- Use tight-fitting lids for trash bins, so rats can't get in
- More extermination and follow-up
These all sound well and good, but I still don't understand where the rats will go. I just find it hard to imagine fewer total rats in existence. The idea sounds nice, but too good to be true. I fear the consequences of flushing the rats out of their well-stocked homes, and I just hope someone is giving this resulting dilemma some consideration. I'm happy to sign the petition, but if I wind up with a little whiskered, disease-ridden face poking up out of my toilet, I think I'll know who to call. Aside from Homeland Security. And the police, my super, the fire department, an ambulance (for me), animal control, a S.W.A.T. team, and someone with a shovel.
Then again, perhaps we should just act now and deal with the aftermath later. If this guy is any indication, there's a war a-brewing.
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Dear Readers: While I am rarely at a loss for words, I'm always grateful for column ideas. Please feel free to e-mail me your suggestions.
Nina Pajak is a writer and publishing professional living with her husband on the Upper West Side.
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