First responder continues to heal after being on the scene of Alexa Bartell's murder in Colorado rock-throwing case

Nicole Bergeron had responded to countless emergencies in her two decades as a firefighter and paramedic in Colorado. But nothing could prepare her for the call she took on April 19, 2023 -- the night Alexa Bartell was killed by a rock thrown through her windshield.

Bergeron, who was with North Metro Fire Rescue at the time, says that call changed her life. She's sharing her story publicly the day one man was convicted of murder for killing Bartell.

"There were two vehicles that looked like they were parked in the middle of a field, just parked sitting there," she said. "It did not look like the scene of an accident. It looked very surreal, almost like it was staged."

Bergeron said it wasn't until she walked closer and heard cries that she realized the gravity of the situation.

Approaching Bartell's car, Bergeron found devastating injuries.

"The scene did not make sense for the injuries that she had sustained," she said. "There was no weapon to be found around there. There was no obvious impact to an object like a tree or anything. There was nothing around to make sense of what had happened to her."

Alone in a dark field, uncertainty quickly turned to fear.

"We didn't know how she was killed," Bergeron said. "I'd never experienced a scene where I walked away not knowing what happened."

The lack of answers was devastating, not just for Bartell's loved ones, but also for the first responders.

"Part of our job is also being able to console the family to a degree, and we couldn't offer an explanation as to what happened," Bergeron said. "The confusion was devastating on two different fronts."

While she has seen countless traumatic scenes, Bergeron said this call was different. As she looked at Bartell's body, Bergeron said she heard the cries of the 20-year-old's mother, Kelly Bartell.

"I did experience what ended up being my first and only audible hallucination," she said. "That was during that time that I realized this call was not going to be processed as other calls had been in my career."

When Bergeron returned to the station, she tried to cope. She knew the steps to take to try to get ahead of a call like that. She debriefed, journaled, and worked out, but the next morning, she couldn't stop crying.

"That was the only time in that long of a career that I'd ever had to leave to go home because I was so upset," she said.

When Bergeron eventually learned what had happened -- that three teenage boys had thrown the rock that killed Alexa -- her grief turned to anger.

"It was rage," she said. "It was so senseless, and they ran. There was no ownership or responsibility to what they had done. It devastated the community. Such a senseless, cruel thing to do, and then not to own responsibility for that was infuriating."

Bergeron's two daughters, Elliot and Lenny, noticed the change in their mom after the call.

About a week later, Bergeron suffered her first-ever panic attack. She began experiencing memory loss, anxiety, and a loss of motivation at work. She stopped wanting to respond to calls altogether.

Eventually, she took a modified duty role and began trauma therapy, but the stigma weighed heavily.

"I was embarrassed for a while, especially because all the rest of my crew stayed online," she said. "I felt a sense of guilt, like I wasn't strong enough to handle this the way everybody else was."

One year after Alexa Bartell's death, Bergeron medically retired from the fire service after 21 years.

Now, Bergeron is channeling her energy into mental health advocacy for first responders.

"It's really difficult for a lot of us, and it's okay for it to be difficult," she said. "We have resources available."

Talking openly with her daughters about what happened has been part of Bergeron's healing.

They honor Alexa Bartell's memory during Día de los Muertos and keep her photo in their home.

"Even though we didn't have the opportunity to know her, she changed our life," Bergeron said. "She absolutely changed my life, and she changed my life for the better."

As for the guilty pleas among two of Alexa Bartell's killers and guilty verdicts on all charges of the third, Bergeron said it brought some peace.

"I am able to be present with my family now," she added. "There's nothing better than that, and I wish nothing more than Alexa's family got that opportunity, too."