Nina In New York: Gym Gripes
A young professional's take on the trials and tribulations of everyday life in New York City.
By Nina Pajak
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Okay, so I've made a big deal out of new year's resolutions this year. I'm in it to win it. I'm on board. I'm walking the walk and talking the talk. I have recommitted myself to fitness. I mean, I HAVE RECOMMITTED MYSELF TO FITNESS! YEAH! Blurg.
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It's just that it's so much work. I'm not exactly the kind of person who "loooooves" to go to the gym. My brain doesn't connect with the academic concepts that exercise "feels good" and "improves your mood," or even the more practical ones like "it's never so bad once you get there," and "the more you do it, the easier it gets." Feh. No. When I say I don't wanna go to the gym, I just. Don't. Wanna. The idea makes me cringe a little inside. I will literally do any activity to excuse myself out of going. I will stay late at work to finally focus on that meaningless excel grid no one has cleaned up in six years. I will go to Fairway during peak hours. I will clean the apartment or fold the laundry or run errands or accept a phone call from that colleague I always screen because she turns the answer to "how are you" into a 30-minute monologue about taking her cat to get his anal glands expressed.
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I will never be the type of person who can't live without exercise. I am, instead, the type of person who can't live without chocolate croissants. Drinking wine comes naturally to me. Sitting also comes naturally to me. It's the hand I was dealt.
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So now, when I'm trying with all my might to stay on the straight and narrow, and when I need all the help and support I can get, and when the slightest hitch can became a major deterrent to my doing what I know I should be doing, who do you think is standing in my way?
Yeah. Other new year's resolutioners.
Listen, I'm behind you. Lose the weight. Change your life. Blah blah blah. But do you have to take up all the good elliptical machines at exactly the time I need to be working out? And do you have to take my favorite locker? And hasn't anyone ever told you to wipe the machine down when you're done using it? I certainly can't claim to be the pinnacle of bodily excellence, but some of us have been dragging our butts to the gym for the last _____ years, and though we haven't achieved our goals, I think we should get dibs on the equipment. We've earned it. We've put in the time. And we watch you guys every January come in, disrupt our routines, knock into us in now overcrowded classes, grab the last spin bike, and take up all the space on the locker room bench. By February, most of you are gone.
I propose special newbies-only hours at the gym. They all get in for less than the existing members anyway, what with their super duper special deals on new year's memberships. Plus, it's not like the uninitiated enjoy working out next to the gym rats anyway. It's intimidating and, frankly, annoying to watch someone at peak fitness when you're just starting out. When I was at my worst, I would have loved to have exercised amid the safety of other uneducated softies like myself. Most of us fall somewhere in between these two categories, but that's okay. After, say, six weeks, the remaining class of resolutioners can graduate into the general flow.
And then they can all join me next year in cursing the new batch of half-hearted hopefuls.
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Dear Readers: While I am rarely at a loss for words, I'm always grateful for column ideas. Please feel free to e-mail me your suggestions.
Nina Pajak is a writer and publishing professional living with her husband on the Upper West Side.
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