I'm here in quarantine. Or is it ON quarantine?
Either way, I'm here. Obviously, I don't normally look like this. The quarantine has kind of affected my appear... all right, fine, this is what I look like normally.
I've been here with my family in our apartment for ... six decades? Six DAYS. Six days, dinner, lunch, breakfast. But you know what? I'm trying to use this time to reconnect with my wife, and our beautiful four children ... FIVE children. One of them's short.
Honestly, in February when I heard rumors about hypotheticals of us being quarantined in our apartments and our houses with our families, I was mostly worried about being bored. Then I heard Shakespeare wrote "King Lear" while he was on quarantine during the Black Plague.
Here's what I've learned:
I'm not bored. I'm not bored at all.
Creative production? None. No "King Lear"! But you know what? I also realized that Shakespeare, probably if he was writing "King Lear," he wasn't up with his family, he wasn't up with his wife. So really, we should look at maybe cancelling Shakespeare.
The second thing I learned is, all of these movies and shows about post-apocalyptic times were wrong. There was not enough emphasis on toilet paper in those shows and movies. I don't know what some people are doing with the toilet paper, if they're eating it? But some of those people should probably put some roughage in their diet.
The third thing I've realized is that I LOVE the internet. Thank God for the internet! The internet has been an invaluable tool for communication, and also for creative outlet, for not just me but also my family. Every night we do this YouTube show called "Dinner With the Gaffigans."
And to be honest, that show brings my family together, and maybe makes us not kill each other. Anyway, I love you, internet.
Ooooh, when did THAT article go up?
And finally, I learned it's possible for one man to eat two weeks of food for seven people.
Be safe everyone.
For more info:
- Follow @JimGaffigan on Twitter
- Jim Gaffigan's special, "Quality Time," is available on Amazon Prime
Story produced by Sara Kugel. Editor: George Pozderec.
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