We All Should Embrace the 'Patriot Way'
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NORTH TEXAS (105.3 THE FAN) - Are you like the millions of NFL fans out there : sick and tired of seeing the New England Patriots skirt the rules of the league, continually operating on the edge of what is and isn't a competitive advantage, only to have their after-the-fact punishments reduced to nothing? Are you sick of the Patriots denying any wrongdoing, despite the overwhelming number of allegations lobbied against them from organizations, coaches and players alike? Are you fed up with "The Patriot Way"? If you are, then do I've got the solution for you - invoke "The Patriot Way" for your own team's benefit! Here's what you'll need to get started :
Louroe Electronics Verifact D Omnidirectional Stainless Steel Faceplate Microphone
PRICE - $100
♦ These little guys will run you about $100 a pop, but the information you'll gain will be WELL worth it. Install a few in the opponents' locker room, right next to the outlets, and enjoy the ability to listen in on their private conversations without them ever even knowing!
This mic can pick up a conversation from up to 15' away, features a faceplate that hides it from sight, and fits snugly into a single gang electrical box. Players and coaches alike will talk freely without ever being the wiser.
For a grand total of about $3,000, you can easily cover a room as large as 18,000 square feet! Perfect for when your first-half game plan goes to absolute crap.
Long Range "Disco" Drone
PRICE : $4,999
♦ These things don't come cheap, and you're going to need 4 of them if you want to take in every minute of your opponent's practice (they only have about 35 minutes battery life). But these little babies can be controlled from more than 12 miles away, and features an on-screen display on the controller, affording you plausible deniability in case your drone is spotted. You know what they say - the eye in the sky doesn't lie. Now, just like the Patriots, you too can get a jump on your opponent's secret formation.
Altogether the investment will cost you about $20,000, but what's that to a multi-million dollar football organization?
Radio Frequency Jammer
PRICE : Negotiable
♦ Ok, this one gets a little tricky, especially since it's not only illegal to use in the NFL, but also completely illegal to use in most places around the United States...but why let that stop you?? You're trying to be the best! As long as your excuse revolves around the idea that you'll do anything to win, and you don't get caught, who cares? Use it during your opponent's most critical plays...the best part of it is, plausible deniability!
Establish a shell technology company. Hire an electrical engineer with the expertise to build your jammer. The parts should run you no more than $150. From there, your newest employee can attend the games in the stands, and set about disrupting the opponent's headset radio signals. If he ever gets caught, he'll have no ties to the organization. Just find a new fall guy, and you're back at it the very next week!
These are just a few pieces to help get you started, but don't just stop at technology! Confer with college coaches you have relationships with, and see if they've ever been given any playbooks by an NFL coordinator. If so, slip em a little something under the table to get your hands on it, and make sure it's enough so that they keep their mouths shut. After all, if there's one thing to take away from the Deflategate extravaganza, it's the reinforcement that it's only cheating if you get caught.
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