"The Jock Itch" with Jasmine Sadry: Rangers Unveil Important Ballpark Improvement--The 3-Pound Pretzel!

But back to the pretzel!

I'm gonna start Opening Day at Rangers Ballpark with a big fat boat of garlic cheesy fries followed by a nice 3-pound pretzel chaser!

Click the link for the glorious picture...http://sportsblogs.star-telegram.com/foul_territory/2011/03/a-3-pound-pretzel-on-the-new-menu-at-rangers-ballpark-youre-kidding.html

 And in OTHER "itch" worthy news...

Forbes Magazine says that Kentucky coach John Calipari is THE highest paid coach in college basketball! In fact, at $4,000,000, he makes 92% more than ANY of the other Final Four coaches!

With his Wildcats just two wins away from the championship, (if they DO end up facing VCU for the title,) he'll be up against Coach Shaka Smith who, get this, makes just 8.1% of Coach Calipari's salary!

Right behind Calipari is UConn's coach, Jim Calhoun, who makes $2,300,000, followed by Butler's Brad Stevens at just $750,000 and poor Shaka comes in dead last for VCU with a $325,000 dollar salary.

Kentucky definitely does NOT mess around when it comes to taking care of the recruiting OR the coaching... http://blogs.forbes.com/sportsmoney/2011/03/28/butler-and-vcu-benefit-from-parity-but-theres-a-big-downside/

Speaking of Shaka, it looks all of us jaded bracketeers (who filled out brackets and are still wondering where the hell VCU came from this year) can now know the REAL secret behind their surprise tourney run! It's all because Coach Shaka quotes "Scarface" to motivate his Rams on the court!

He notes the movie "Scarface" as being one his favorite all time movies and specifically points out the scene where Tony Montana is "under the influence" and says, "There goes a bad guy!" So where does he connect the dots between THAT scene and his team? He says that in this tournament, VCU has kinda enjoyed responding to people, not necessarily calling them the bad guy, but people doubting them and criticizing them for not being able to hang with the big boys of basketball!

As far as being surprised by the Ram's tournament run, he says he's not shocked because he KNEW the guys had it in them!

I have to admit. I'm really started to believe in the "little school that could...." http://deadspin.com/#!5786464/shaka-smarts-key-to-success-quoting-scarface

This is gross but an I.T geek by the name of Joe Pearlman (who happens to be one of only TWO people out of 5.9 million who predicted the Final Four correctly on their brackets) said he doesn't even know a lick about college hoops!

He even admitted that on a scale of one to 10, he'd rate his college basketball expertise at a TWO! He says he kept picking VCU, not because of anything in particular he liked about them, but because he likes picking USC.

Let me explain.

USC, if you'll remember, went up against VCU in the "first four" round this year. (This was a glorified play-in game before the start of the tournament proper, being the "real" post-play in, 64 team tourney where bracket selections could be made both before AND after the play-in games had been completed.)

Therefore, his wisest decision was to stick with his USC pick, even after their early loss meant that it wasn't a USC pick anymore.

And boy did he go ALL in on that VCU bet, having the Rams go all the way... http://www.sportsgrid.com/ncaa-basketball/joe-pearlman-final-four-ncaa-bracket/

The Denver Nuggets' Kenyon Martin dumped his rapper girlfriend Trina recently and left HER for...his ex-wife! Media Take Out is reporting that he's reconciled with his ex-wife, Heather and like any two people trying to work things out, they were recently spotted partying together.

K-Mart and Heather were married for five years and knocked out three kids together.

Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that he had initially left Heather to be with Trina... http://benmaller.com/2011/03/nba-star-dumps-famous-girlfriend-for-ex-wife/

The Sixers are blaming rapper Lil' Wayne for their embarrassing overtime loss to Sacramento on Sunday! Apparently, some of the players spent the previous night partying a lil' bit too hard at the Lil' Wayne concert and mailed it in the next day in a horrible loss to the Kings, a team that's being called one of the worst in the league at a 20-52 record!

Coach Doug Collins is none too thrilled about his players actions either. He said "I spoke to them and said, 'You guys need to get together, talk about it and decide what you feel about it, and go from there,'" Collins said. "I turned it over to the team. "I said, 'You guys decide. We have 10 more games to go. You decide what we should be doing at this time of year.' "They're men, so I let them make the decision." http://benmaller.com/2011/03/lil-wayne-concert-to-blame-for-nba-teams-embarrasing-loss/

Four former NFL players, including Hall of Fame defensive end Carl Eller and former Pro Bowl running back Priest Holmes have sued the NFL in hopes of joining current players in their antitrust fight against the league! It seeks class action status on behalf of ALL former players.

They're requesting that the lockout be lifted, so that former players could have the peace of mind in knowing that their pensions and health benefits remain funded.

An attorney for the players says that if the expiration of the collective bargaining agreement does end up lasting for a year, those benefits will end.

Shouldn't these retired players have a voice in all of this too??? http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/03/28/former-nfl-sue-league-lockout-fight_n_841701.html

Green Bay Packer's cornerback Brandon Underwood was charged with having "non-marital sexual intercourse!" (I know! pro-athlete accused of having sex OUTSIDE of his marriage?!!? SHOCKING!)

But, seriously.

The Milwaukee Journal Sentinel is reporting that he pleaded no-contest to one count of "prostitution non-marital sexual intercourse" following claims of sexual assault. Two women who made the claims against him have been charged with prostitution for THEIR roles in the case and six other Green Bay players were also involved in said incident.

Everyone else was cleared….except for Brandon.

He had 10 tackles this season, and apparently 2 of them were hookers…http://benmaller.com/2011/03/nfl-player-charged-with-non-marital-sexual-intercourse/

Apparently, O.J. Simpson likes the prison system food… A LOT!

The Juice has been doing time for robbery in Nevada and has packed on FIFTY pounds while he's been there, opting to chow down on junk food and skipping out on exercise. At 63, he now tips the scales at 275 pounds now is at risk of a heart attack!

One source says, "O.J. is turning into a butterball. If he doesn't go on a diet, he's going to die of a massive heart attack in jail. His kids are worried about him. He's so depressed over his weight that he can't even take care of himself."

I know if my life resorted in authorities hauling away my Heisman Trophy to help compensate in a civil suit stemming from my previous MURDER trial, I'd probably be doing some serious depression eating too! http://benmaller.com/2011/03/o-j-simpson-likes-prison-food/

New Orleans Saints running back Reggie Bush isn't necessarily hurting in the "getting female attention" department since he dumped Kim Kardashian, one half of the "Bush and the Tush" duo.

In fact, he had a HUGE dilemma on his hands over the weekend.

The New York Post is reporting that he showed up with a gaggle of hot girls to a motel party over the weekend (No, not some chain motel whose name is attached to a single digit number; it was the Swedish House Mafia's Masquerade Motel, to be exact) but couldn't bring all of the girls in his bevy of beautiful women into the party!

Why? Well, because the fire marshal had the party at capacity, so Reggie was told that because of safety standards, he could only bring two of them inside… http://benmaller.com/2011/03/nfl-star-forced-to-leave-hot-ladies-outside-party/

I'm all about fan fervor and obnoxious loyalty to your team, but this just may be a little bit too extreme, even for me! Fans of the Colombian soccer team, Cucuta Deportivo, actually brought in a coffin to the stadium for a match between Deportivo and Envigado over the weekend.

Apparently, 17-year-old hardcore fan Cristofer Alexander Jacome was murdered while playing soccer in his local neighborhood and he was part of the fan group, Barra del Indio, that's supposedly known for its crazy antics at soccer matches.

They ended up hauling his coffin INTO the stadium for the match, just to show their dedication for the team.

I can't even get a granola bar past security at Cowboys Stadium and these guys were able to pass a coffin with a dead body through the gates at General Santander Stadium!?!? Talk about some security guards failing miserably on THAT call…

Anyway, if you wanna see pics of this craziness, click on the link. Ay dios mio…

And finally…

Today's "It's time to thin the herd already" story is brought to you by a lovely woman named Kimesia Smith.

The mother of four (oh yes, don't fear! There's another generation of her to go around) was arrested last week after being captured on a cell phone video, starting a brawl at a Burger King in Florida. To quote her specifically, the Burger King bikini brawler said, "We tore the Burger King UP! I don't play no games!"

She said that the outburst started after she and her friends had to wait 20 minutes JUST to get a Whopper Jr. and some French fries, which was completely unacceptable! As they were leaving out of frustration, employees were throwing ketchup packets at them from the drive-thru window, prompting the group to return and complain to the manager!

That's when the melee ensued, prompting Kimesia to say, "I'm a lover, not a fighter."

Go on girl. Stand up for your rights! This is exactly why the Preamble was written… (BurgerKingBikiniBrawler)

And THAT'S my "Jock Itch!"

J