PITTSBURGH (KDKA) - The tide of burnout is rising in the workplace and at home as breadwinning women struggle to find a balance.

Often the fuel for the burnout is self-imposed, but a key is getting help from their life partner. 

"Research shows that as women out-earn their partners, they actually take on more of a caregiving and household responsibility," said Vanessa Loder, a mom of two and author of "The Soul Solution."  

Loder's book dives into why the divide is still the Grand Canyon, especially when women outearn their partners.

"Women may feel compelled to compensate for violating traditional gender roles as the breadwinner and so then they kind of redouble their efforts at home in order to make up for that," said Loder. 

She said researchers in the UK found that 45% of female breadwinners still do the majority of household tasks.

She said it's not that the guys don't want to do it:  "I have heard from a lot of millennial men that they really -- and the research shows -- that they want to be very involved fathers." 

Instead, she said women need to let go of control.

"Maybe some of your whites turn pink, meaning if you let your partner do the laundry that they might mix the whites and colors but that's a small price to pay for equality at home," Loder said. 

Loder says high levels of stress, a lack of motivation or focus and always feeling pushed to the limit are all signs burnout is coming.

"Even just taking 10 minutes to lie down on the couch, lie down on the floor in the middle of the day and listen to relaxing music -- that can be a really great way to reset your nervous system," Loder said.

In her book, she says women can get back control of their life without having to give up the joys of the gains they've made. But you have to be willing to give up responsibility without micromanaging.