Summer time is THE time for taking a vacation from your cares and woes -- unless, that is, you're our contributor Jim Gaffigan:
Remember last winter? I think we all still have emotional scars. Well, summer is finally here to wash away all those horrible memories.
Can you believe it? Summer: The golden boy of seasons. Everyone loves summer. What's not to love? Sunny days, warm weather, and don't forget, it's not winter!
Now it may not come as a huge surprise to you that I don't hop on the summer bandwagon. I am pale, and nobody wants to see me in shorts. Like most pudgy guys, I prefer light-jacket weather. I like a place to put my keys and hide the fact I haven't worked out in two decades.
I'm sure most of you love summer. "It's like a three-month vacation!" Of course, this isn't true, but the perception of a summer holiday sure makes doing work during the summer feel like punishment.
Summer does mean no school for my children. Hey, who doesn't deserve a three-month break after a rigorous year of kindergarten? I don't know exactly what's good about my kids getting the summer off. My kids lounge around the apartment like they've returned from fighting ISIS with a constant "What are you going to do for me now?" look on their faces.
I already can't wait for the back-to-school commercials.
Entertaining children is not the only summer pressure. The warm summer weather means pressure to do things. Do things outside. This is why I don't live in California: Nice weather is like an assignment. "Don't waste the day. Go lie on the beach and get skin cancer."
I'm sure many of you think I'm being negative about your sacred summer. I'm just pale, pudgy and lazy, but soon, you'll come over to my side. I see it every August. That's when we all start regretting the horrible things we said about winter. It's when we go from appreciating our air conditioner to treating it like our most prized employee,
"You okay there, air conditioner? I know you've been working hard lately but tell you what, after Labor Day it's all downhill. You are guaranteed a seven-month vacation -- please don't quit!"
Enjoy your summer everyone! Don't worry -- winter is around the corner.
- Jim Gaffigan on Father's Day
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- Jim Gaffigan on getting stuffed for Thanksgiving
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