"American Idol": Top 10 singers take on Billy Joel
Stunningly, then, last night's "Idol" - down to a mere 10 - decided to link the singing with the styling. For there was Tommy Hilfiger giving his first week of advice about clothes, hair and, who knows, Botox.
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Deandre Brackensick has hair. Indeed, he has all the hair that at least 10 bald men were denied. So, on this Bill Joel week, Hilfiger was desperate for him to let it down. His song was "Only the Good Die Young," Joel's fine anthem to the beauty of growing up in the midst of Catholicism.
Mentor Jimmy Iovine was accompanied by the peerless, P-less Diddy (hasn't he found a new name by now?). Iovine needed to explain how he personally had experienced Catholic repression.
Brackensick may have hair, but he doesn't really have the voice. He certainly doesn't have the bad-boy edge needed for this song. He died young.
Lopez thought it was "a great way to start the show." She called him "islandy." Randy Jackson was wearing an islandy shirt, but claimed Brackensick was "OK."
Erika Van Pelt wanted to sing about the New York State of mind. Diddy wanted her to sing it as if she was at Yankee Stadium. Hilfiger was simply unhappy with her blonde hair. It's long and straggly. So Van Pelt had it chopped off. Oddly, it turned black. Yes, she looked just like Kim Kardashian's mom.
The song was a little low-key and loungey for "Idol", though Van Pelt tried to inject a little Whitney.
Jackson loved her look. He also mentioned that he liked her singing. "You wore it like beautiful," said Tyler, keeping the sartorial theme perky.
Joshua Ledet wanted to wear all black, but Hilfiger wanted to slap him into a tuxedo. The desperate question was whether Ledet is a 40 or a 38. Of this, authentic icons are made.
Ledet had never heard "She's Got a Way." He didn't seem to have a way until 10 gospel singers materialized behind him and illuminated his path. Only then did he project something dramatic.
"I feel stupid trying to say anything negative," said Lopez, before telling Ledet that she didn't feel he was connected to the song. Steven Tyler didn't know the song either, but felt that Ledet sang his life into it.
Skylar Laine could sing her life into a shoe. Her momma had bought her frilly cowboy boots. Hilfiger wanted to evolve her look. Which seemed to mean that her boots made him feel a little queasy.
Laine seemed to have a little trouble singing and walking. She was hamstrung by styling that made her midsection look at least four sizes larger than reality. By contrast, her performance of "Shameless" was four sizes smaller than usual - a rather listless affair.
Jackson felt it was "pitchy at the intro." Well, it's not easy to suddenly sing "Shameless" bootless.
What can Elise Testone do get an image? She chose "Vienna," again not a song one would expect to succeed on "Idol". Hilfiger felt she was "layered up." He felt she was trying to hide her body. The answer was, quite simply, bellbottoms.
And yet when she came on stage Testone showed a depth of cleavage and a long dress. She tried to somehow bring raunch to what is essentially a lounge piece. It was like someone trying to get Scott Joplin to marry Janis.
Still, the judges stood to applaud, because this was a mature effort that would probably not be appreciated by the voters.
"You were beautiful," said Tyler, himself no stranger to bellbottoms. Jackson believed she had enjoyed a moment, while Lopez kept interrupting with the word "tears." Two of Testone's vocal students were invited up to the stage, as if the producers were desperate to humanize her image. These two students were, indeed, an additional fashion statement.
Hilfiger patronized Phillip Phillips. "I think you need a little help," he said. He offered the insight that gray is dull. He also offered that people don't vote for people who wear gray.
Phillips seemed unimpressed. Diddy made it worse. He wanted him to "groove." He wanted him guitarless. Phillips came on stage guitarful and wearing not one gray piece, but two.
His "Moving Out" was just that - his. Phillips won't pander to Hilfiger, Diddy or the diddy little kiddies who like to play dress-up and vote. This was a genre apart.
"I felt like you were taking a little aggression out on your mentors," mused a philosophical Lopez, slyly referring to one of her ex-lovers. Tyler offered him a shiny black scarf. Jackson offered him a lot of words, some of which were verbs.
Iovine hated how Hollie Cavanagh was dressed last week. Cavanagh wants to be glammy. Hilfiger offered her sequins and sparkle. How appropriate, given that she was singing "Honesty."
With brand new Veronica Lake hair, Cavanagh's voice floated between the odd correct note and several that Joel would not have chosen to swim in. Somehow, she seemed to have left the key in last week's dress pocket.
"Tonight you were a little pitchy," said Tyler. He called it "good." Which in Tylerland means "awful."
Heejun Han had to suffer awful criticism last week. It hurt the Korean joker. It didn't stop him joking, though. Some people seem to be put off by his humor.
"I don't know if he's an actor or a conman," said Diddy, not imagining that this sentence might have once been uttered about him. He wasn't even sure Han is Asian. Perhaps he's merely intelligent and sees through some of this nonsense.
When Hilfiger asked Han whose fashion he admired, he offered "Jessica Sanchez" and "Madonna." Yes, with a very straight face.
Han's version of "My Life" was cabaret karaoke. It was as if this was a game show in which people are pulled out of the audience in order to impersonate famous singers. Which, in a way, it is.
Tyler clearly hated it. And that was before he said anything.
"He-man," he finally offered. "Are you happy that you took the piss out of that song? The music business will kick your ass."
He felt that Han just isn't serious. Whereas Tyler, who jumped into a pool in only his knickers during rehearsal, is all business.
"At least you had a good time," said Jackson, even though "vocally it was missing a bit."
Jessica Sanchez doesn't have many missing bits vocally. Apparently her size, though, suggests she should wear a dress. At least that's what Hilfiger said. A dress will make her look taller.
"Everybody Had a Dream," sang Sanchez in rehearsals.
"I don't believe you," replied Diddy. So he and Iovine softened her up.
Still, she is 16. What can she sing convincingly? It's hard to sing songs written by hard-nosed New Yorkers who have been in detention at the School of Hard Knocks.
By the end, she dug out a little soul and tried to turn it into something bigger.
"Thank you for letting me hear you sing, baby," said Tyler. Lopez gushed, too. Jackson admired her consistency. Some might also have admired how her short dress made her look taller.
Colton Dixon says he is edgy, but he also has been complaining this week that the "Idol" producers have been telling him to tone down his religious proclivities. He declared his style to be punk. Hilfiger worried about his hair.
Dixon chose "Piano Man." Diddy already wanted to buy Dixon's version at rehearsal. The real thing messed with the melody, but allowed the chorus to at least remain mostly original.
Lopez claimed she had goosies from head to toe. Which must have made her feel lizard-like. Then she almost called Diddy "Puffy."
Dixon, meanwhile, told the again impeccable Ryan Seacrest that before singing he prayed and wanted God to use him. He made no mention of whether he thought Tim Tebow was better than Peyton Manning.
TOP THREE: Phillip Phillips, Elise Testone, Colton Dixon
BOTTOM THREE: Deandre Brackensick, Hollie Cavanaugh, Erika Van Pelt
