Keller @ Large: I Hate Slow Drivers

BOSTON (CBS) - I don't have much patience for people who drive too fast around here, the tailgaters, the weavers, and the Jeff Gordons of the local highways.

Judging from the e-mail I get from many of you every time I write about them, you don't have much patience left either.

Listen to Jon's commentary:

But what about our fellow citizens who drive too slow?

First, let's make it clear who I'm not talking about.

Senior citizens, you get a pass. I understand your reflexes may not be what they once were, and driving amid the lunatics who populate our roads can be a frightening experience.

And you out-of-towners, with no clue where you're going? As much as I'd rather have you consult the map before heading out, again, I get it, the roads are confusing and the road signs – if they even exist – don't offer much help.

But those exemptions don't apply to the steady stream of drivers crossing my path who seem intent on conserving gas by keeping their foot off the gas pedal to an absurd degree.

Like the guy at the stop sign who still isn't moving despite the total lack of traffic coming either way on the cross street.

Why?

He's got business, it seems, on the seat next to him, sorting through his briefcase, maybe, or completing a jigsaw puzzle.

I'm trying hard in recent years not to be the guy who leans on the horn at the first sign of a holdup, but my gentle tap doesn't seem to have any effect on this type. He's oblivious, to everything but the fantasy world he lives in.

And then there are the cell phone people, hordes of them, all chatting happily away about Lord knows what and slowing to a crawl, apparently, so they can savor every precious bit of conversation.

And finally, there are the squinters – not elderly, not from out-of-town, not on the cell phone, but seemingly just bewildered by the act of driving, peering out over the wheel like it's the edge of the Pru Tower observation deck, and creeping along as if they fear the road may run out at any second.

I know it's wrong, and I'm a terrible person, but all I want to do is pull up alongside these folks and ask them if they have gas.

And when they say yes, urge them at a high decibel level to STEP ON IT.

You can listen to Keller At Large on WBZ News Radio every weekday at 7:55 a.m. and 12:25 p.m. You can also watch Jon on WBZ-TV News.