By Michael Hurley, CBS Boston
BOSTON (CBS) -- Fist. Fight.
Admit it: When you saw the report on Wednesday that Joe Judge and Marc Colombo got in a fist fight, your first reaction was a Stone Cold Steve Austin "OH HELL YEAH!" You cracked two brewskis together and started pouring them all over your face in your living room. Your family was concerned, but they didn't understand.
It was awesome. A fist fight and a firing, all at once. What could be better?
Alas, a bunch of BORING, NO-FUN journalists had to ruin all the fun by reporting that no, Joseph Judge and Marc Colombo did not throw hands.
They did not chuck knucks. There was no donnybrook. No brouhaha.
'Twas a faux fracas.
A make-believe melee.
Well, probably not that sad if you are Joe Judge's face. Colombo is 6-foot-8. He played at 320 pounds. He is ... large.
Joe Judge is not quite that large. A fist fight probably ends with a trip to the back of an ambulance.
As a mature, responsible, adult, of course we'd prefer that things like fist fights didn't happen inside the multi-billion dollar corporation known as the National Football League. To root for such oafish violence would be woefully uncouth!
Yet as oafishly violent football fans?! The first fight is a great story. If only it were true.
(I choose to believe it is true, because this is the year 2020 and we are all entitled to our own interpretation of reality. I'm choosing to cash in mine with a football coach fist fight, thank you very much.)
Let's make football picks and agree not to punch each other, OK? OK.
(Home team in CAPS; Wednesday lines)
SEATTLE (-3) over Arizona
I should probably just come right out and be frank here: The picks? Folks, the picks have been bad. Really bad.
I started the year going 58-44-3 over the first seven weeks. Folks, it rocked.
From Weeks 8-10, though, I have gone 13-29. It has not rocked at all. And that's precisely how you go from 14 games over .500 to two games under .500 in a span of just three weeks.
It hurts. And I'm wounded. So the pick descriptions? They are going to be short and sad this week, just like their author.
The Russell Wilson/Kyler Murray matchup is ELECTRIC, though. I don't even care who wins. (Just kidding. Go 12s.)
CLEVELAND (-3.5) over Philadelphia
I'm missing something with the Eagles not being 41-point underdogs every week. Then again, I'm missing a lot these days, aren't I?
Atlanta (+5) over NEW ORLEANS
Don't love Jameis.
Cincinnati (+2) over WASHINGTON
I probably need to stop picking the Cincinnati Bengals.
JACKSONVILLE (+9) over Pittsburgh
I had last week down as a blah game for Pitt. I was just a week early,OK? OK.
Detroit (+2.5) over CAROLINA
Nobody cares about this game. Nobody.
Tennessee (+6.5) over BALTIMORE
Stubbornly refusing to accept that the Titans are just kind of average this year.
New England (-2.5) over HOUSTON
Disrespectful line. The Texans stink. Show some respect.
Miami (-3.5) over DENVER
The Dolphins are bound to like ... stop winning so much at some point. Yeah? Maybe?
LOS ANGELES CHARGERS (-8.5) over New York Jets
It's nice that the Chargers will finally be allowed to win a game. It's been a rough few weeks, Murray.
Green Bay (+2) over INDIANAPOLIS
My lukewarm take for you is that the Indianapolis Colts stink. Not stink stink. But they're not very good. One impressive victory. Big whoop. TAKE A WALK, INDY.
MINNESOTA (-7) over Dallas
Not that I think it will matter, but who made a schedule where a team has to come off a Monday night game and face a team that's coming off a bye? You could at least try to make it somewhat fair to the team on a short week.
Kansas City (-7) over LAS VEGAS
I don't know what's lamer: Taking a victory lap on the buses around the Chiefs' stadium like a dumb high school team, or getting miffed about the opponent taking victory laps around your stadium, like a dumb high school team.
Either way, maybe it'll be enough to finally rev up the Chiefs enough to make us all say, "Whoa." The Chiefs need to give us a "Whoa" game. They owe us. Sunday night against a team that they're randomly mad at for a bus ride? Seems like the right time to deliver.
TAMPA BAY (-3.5) over Los Angeles Rams
Tom Brady needs to throw exactly two touchdowns to surpass his total from all of last season. I bet he does it by halftime.
Last week: 4-10
for more features.