Viso's Gluttony Guide: Philadelphia Blocktoberfest
By Mike Viso
Do you remember the 'choose your own adventure' books? These books had you start a scenario and you basically wrote your own ending by the choices you made. I loved the Goosebumps series by R.L. Stine and since he wrote children's horror books, your object was to stay alive. This was incredibly frustrating because I would turn 12 pages and then be dead. If anyone can please tell me how to get to the end of "The Deadly Experiments of Dr. Eeek," I'd be eternally grateful. I digress.
The point I'm making is that those were fun—for a while—and I want to help you relive your childhood frustrations with my own story of food, drink and inappropriate wedding behavior that stemmed from a great time at the third annual Philadelphia Blocktoberfest. This story is called: The Case of the Wandering Boy.
It's a gorgeous autumn afternoon. The air is crisp, the city has that familiar French fry smell and my friend, "Thomas", and I are planning out the day. The perk of living right near Center City is the fact that my apartment is the hub of the night. Nearly every decision is made by me because it's in the middle of anywhere you want to go. Say you want to go the Pourhouse in Manayunk; boom, eight-minute drive. Maybe, you want to go Village Whiskey to get an amazing burger. What's stopping you besides that $7.73 cab ride?
On this specific day, we decided to attend Blocktoberfest, as I mentioned above, and then make our way out to a friend's house for his birthday gathering before heading out to a local watering hole for the nightcap.
Normally, getting the evening started at 6:30pm is early, but since the beer ended at 8pm, this was actually behind schedule to cram the deliciousness in—or so we thought. After deciding to walk and enjoy the beautiful weather, I had to find an ATM. Honestly, who carries cash? This cut into our beer and food time. Again, normally not a problem, but with five purchased tickets, I didn't want to waste one with such a variety of beers on tap.
Here's the first choice in the story line: You can flip ahead and continue on with the shenanigans or you can read a review of the beers. The choice is yours and yours alone!
This is probably the most difficult part of the night. I had to make a choice and fast. The organizers did a great job making each beer accessible and pairing the similar beers together. I didn't have to waste my time waiting for an IPA in a stout line. If you're a stout person, I'll begrudgingly review them at some point, but I won't be happy about it. Anyway, each beer I had that night was something new for me. I believe in giving beers a second chance, but here are the surface reviews:
My favorite of all was the Sweaty Betty Blonde by Boulder Beer. On my long walk to Blocktoberfest, I was a bit warm and I figured I'd cool off with this ale. I couldn't have made a better choice. It was crisp and cold from the first few sips. You can taste the flavor of the hops but only faintly. It accomplished what golden ales should as far as not being overpowering. Then, mid-beer, it switches on you. It remains light and refreshing with a tropical feel. The fruit flavor is there and you get that sensation of drinking a beer on the beach while standing in flood of people in Philadelphia's October. This is an absolutely awesome beer and I even doubled back to it at the end while I ate. Plus, you should visit Boulder Beer's website; it's hilarious.
Boulder Beer's Mojo IPA was next on my list. I enjoy hoppy beers and this didn't disappoint. It was packed with flavor in every sip and had a nice color to it as well. The fruity flavor was a surprise at first and was welcomed, but towards the end it became a little more than I wanted. It wasn't hard to drink but that made me drop it in the standings. Overall, this is something I would go back to and probably would have enjoyed more if I started my night with it. Honestly, this isn't a commercial for Boulder Beer, these guys know what they are doing out in the mountains.
The Sixpoint Bengali Tiger IPA finished in a very close third. The color of the beer was beautiful and the taste was earthy but with a fruity twist. I would recommend having one or two but the boldness wears on you quickly.
The only beer that I didn't care for was Bavarian Barbarian Grumpy Pumpkin Imperial Porter. At first it was good and I was excited to see how the rest of the beer unfolded. However, three sips in and I was ready to move on. The pumpkin and spice became overwhelming and left a bad aftertaste. I didn't want to waste a drop and I wanted to continue to see if it was just me, but it was not an easy task. I was more disappointed because I had a taste of their 2 x 4, which was terrific, but was worried about using my final ticket on it.
Overall, I would never say not to try a beer. Everyone has their own tastes, but I would say you get a work out with Sweaty Betty.
The perfect choice of food is necessary to match your beer. Decision two: You can choose to jump ahead or you can read a review of my food choice.
I knew I was going back to blonde beer and I was looking for the perfect counterpart. That's when I locked eyes with Chewy's lunch truck and knew we were meant to be. They offered a few different options, but the prize had to be their blue burger sliders. Caramelized onions, mushrooms, lettuce and tomatoes packed onto a little bun. This was not only the most delicious sounding item, but was reasonably priced. The onions were cooked to perfection and the lettuce and tomatoes tasted and looked fresh. One burger was a bit dry, but not a huge deal. Not only were their ingredients good and cooked well but the burger was made to order. I like my burger medium and that was not a problem. The staff was jovial and kind. They joked back and forth with the crowd and were incredibly accommodating to a pregnant patron. I would have considered going back even if the food wasn't excellent.
The walk to our friend's house was a few blocks and this is a great time to get in important texts or calls. I'm a seasoned veteran, so I always have a back up plan. Solidifying said plan is integral to your precious weekend nights. They sometimes provide scenarios you might not otherwise expect to be in (foreshadowing!).
We arrived at the party at 9:30pm. Catching-up and reminiscing are two of the best parts of house parties. That's a forgotten and disappointing part about having so many things to do in the city. House parties are a lost art, like riding your bike. They're awesome until a certain point, then you take the next step, you can go to bar/drive a car. Your new opportunities are great and it's a privilege, but after awhile you take them for granted too. Every few months I like to have a party or ride my bike because you forget the simple joys. I digress.
Choice number three: Vodka review.
As you can already tell, I'm seriously classy. That being said, it should be no surprise that I was drinking Smirnoff Orange Vodka. This drink had two strikes against it going in: I'm not a huge vodka fan nor am I a guy to ask for an orange flavored anything. But, like all good hitters, it came through in the clutch.
Per the birthday boy's request, I had to take a couple of shots. Surprisingly, it was easy. The bottle was barely below room temperature, so the flavor was paralyzed by the cold. The first shot is a shock to the system and I don't believe in using a chaser because you don't want to muck up the taste. The second shot was better because you had the sensation of warmth in your chest from the previous shot with the coolness of the next. The shot gave me two tastes in three parts. First, you taste the orange when it first hits your lips. Second, was the vodka taste when it gets to your tongue. Third, was the finish, which was smooth. Once it went down the hatch it was a slight taste of oranges. It wasn't overbearing and the smell was nice too. It didn't cause heartburn, which usually happens to me.
This is where the night takes a turn. Remember my talk of back-up plans? Well, Thomas had one of his own and this one split the group. Thomas was intent on meeting up with an old friend and--being the dancing machine that I am--I was ready to make my way to the next destination.
We made our way to Center City and I'll leave the bar's name out of this because I haven't spent enough time in there to give it a review. Thomas was still working on his master plan as we made our way around the dance floor. A few robot moves, pop and locks and sprinkler moves later, he received a night-altering text, "I'm at the Academy of Music at a wedding reception, you should stop by."
Who is he to say no? As the golden-haired temptress made her way down the steps in a black gown and high heels, I knew this night was going to be a secondhand story for me. This is where I exit and so can you. However, if you want to hear what Thomas did the rest of the night, you can join me below. I've done some background work to verify the events.
Do you stay or do you go? Those who decide to stay, allow me a moment to say good-bye. Hey, friends that are leaving, I'll talk to you soon. If you have suggestions for me, follow me on twitter @mikeviso or you can e-mail me at michaelviso@gmail.com. Hope you return soon!
Are they gone? Okay, let's get to the juicy part! So, Thomas, makes his way into the wedding reception wearing jeans, bluish-purple sneakers and a blue, yellow and white track jacket. His date is proud. Now, I like to review the top-shelf vodka he had at this black-tie affair but he doesn't remember the kind it was. Oh, I didn't mention that everyone was in tuxes and gowns, oops! This was one of those galas that you see in a movie. I bet it smelled like a Swiss bank in there. Then there's this schlep double-fisting free drinks on a night that's supposed to be the most memorable of these folks' lives. But as the story goes, he partook of the vodka drink. Then, his alter ego, Fabio Perez (his Portuguese heritage shines through on his thirstier nights), decided he needed a beer. I won't diminish the beer he drank by mentioning it by name. As luck would have it, the bride spots Fabio and they have a chat. Fabio, tells her of the beautiful ceremony and reception. He continues his ramblings by letting her know how gorgeous she looks in her white dress and how he was just the best man at a wedding. The bride thanks him for attending and brings him to meet the groom. The groom is a lucky man.
As the night winds down, so does the chit-chat. Fabio's date is on his arm as they say their final good-byes. Our femme fatale hails a cab and our hero walks her to the door for a kiss goodnight.
Clearly, he didn't create his own ending. But that's the magic of Philadelphia. A simple plan becomes an epic night with a headache and a smile on Sunday morning.
Here's to you, Thomas, may you live to the fullest at every opportunity.
