What Andy Does For Fun

Andy Rooney's Entertaining Newspaper Analysis

The following is a weekly 60 Minutes commentary by CBS News correspondent Andy Rooney.

We all have different things we do for fun and one of the ways I amuse myself is by going to a good newspaper store near my office to pick up half a dozen newspapers from different cities around the country.

I hate all the little sections that fall out when you pick up a newspaper. I suppose that's where the money is for them. Maybe it's because I'm getting old but I don't think the funny papers are very funny anymore.

If the headline in the paper says "DALEY" you know you're in Chicago. Most people in the rest of the United States don't know Daley from Adam.

There have been a lot of articles about Pakistan recently. Most reporters don't know zilch about Pakistan but if that's where the action is, reporters have to find out and write something about it. That's what reporters do -- they write about things no one knows anything about -- including themselves sometimes.

What's headline news in some papers wouldn't get in a paper anywhere else. "CARMEL LOSES IN CLASS AA VOLLEYBALL." You don't know where Carmel is or what the difference is between class A volleyball and class AA volleyball.

And how does this one grab you? "WONG CLAIMS WIN IN FITCHBURG." You don't know whether Wong won or just claimed he won in Fitchburg. Fortunately you don't care whether Wong won or lost either.

The Miami Herald says "NEW 2% SURCHARGE APPROVED." Well, that's a local story if I ever heard one. Two percent surcharge on what?

I always look at the pictures of pretty girls in the newspaper. It's funny though. I never see anyone who looks like her around here at CBS.

Full pages of ads I never understand. A page like this in a newspaper makes television commercials look good by comparison.

I will say this even though I shouldn't: if I had to give up television news or the newspaper, I'd give up television.

I'm in the Writers' Guild and I worry about this strike they're having but so far the only writers affected are the writers on entertainment shows. If I'm not here some week you'll know I'm either on strike or fired.

Actually the producer of 60 Minutes is a good friend of mine. He wouldn't fire me. Well, I don't think he would...would he?
Written By Andy Rooney