John Oliver as Christian Grey?
Put it this way, Oliver, 37, may not be what you had in mind while reading E L James' "Fifty Shades of Grey" -- but the "Last Week Tonight" host begs to differ.
On Sunday, Oliver unveiled a new Web video in which he "auditions" for the part of Grey.
Last year, Oliver opened up about being disappointed over the casting of Jamie Dornan, 32, for the role in the big-screen adaptation; he even launched the hashtag #NotMyChristian.
"I'm sorry, but Jamie Dornan has all the charisma of a sandwich bag filled with iceberg lettuce," Oliver said.
Now he's divulging his gripes about the film's casting: "It hurts not to have even been asked," he joked.
"In the grand tradition of television personalities who've made mistakes, I would like to offer a condescending, half-hearted apology that I don't really mean...I'm sorry if anyone was offended by my incredibly accurate evaluation of the casting choice for a movie whose target audience, going by the trailer, seems to be suburban mothers of three who've somehow never had sex before," he said.
"Sure, you pass me over for the epitome of male beauty, but whenever you need a Caucasian foreigner or a cheerful weakling, suddenly my phone's blowing up," he said.
So, Oliver decided took a a stab at his own audition. Mind you -- Oliver hasn't read the book and the movie's already been made -- it's out Feb. 13.
But what the heck? Take a look at the audition below: