The Fairy Tale's Over

Imagine waking up one morning and discovering that the tooth fairy has not only run off with Santa, leaving the Easter Bunny in therapy, but that Prince Charming and the land of magical dreams never really existed … and you will be a tiny bit closer to feeling what a lot of Brits are feeling this week. Because our nation is in turmoil.

Let me explain. Take one handsome 28-year-old blond soccer star, captain of the national team – a sporting legend of the calibre of A-Rod, Michael Jordan and Muhammad Ali all rolled into one -- let's call him David Beckham… and have him marry one lovely Spice Girl called Victoria – someone as famous as our own real Princesses - and put their relationship on the highest of high pedestals, photographing their every move.

And when the shiny perfection of their love begins to bore us a little, introduce a wicked witch, otherwise known as David's so-called 'Personal Assistant', Ms. Rebecca Loos – aptly named for a sexual villain, don't you think?

And then, when she claims sinful knowledge of our hero - boo loudly. Shock, horror, our beautiful couple tumble from their great height and we pick over their crumpled emotions and torn dreams. The fairy tale is over. Or more importantly our trust and belief in the fairy tale is over.

You see - we go from believing in a big fat jolly man who gives us presents once a year … to believing in love everlasting and our personal Prince or Princess Charming, and by the time we realise that one doesn't exist, never did exist, couldn't possibly exist, we begin to question how Santa could really deliver all those presents in one night! David and Victoria Beckham, who by the way claim all is well at the top of The Far Away Tree with their two perfect blonde children, were our modern day Brothers Grim – the nation's personal nirvana. They made us believe that it was possible to live happily ever after, to win every soccer match in the world, to get bigger boobs without surgery … even to get a record deal without being able to sing.

But now the bubble has burst, the sword is back in the stone and the poison in the apple is real.

Good. I don't like pigs that fly – they make a hell of a mess.

By Petrie Hosken By Petrie Hosken