Oh, I Want to Dance with Somebody

Finally, the war on terror has a subplot worthy of "Desperate Housewives." Call this Desperate Caveman. Is it possible the most wanted terrorist in the world has an undying crush on…Whitney Houston? Picture a seven-foot-tall bearded Muslim in his cave…tidying up after breakfast, untying his apron, and peering longingly through a crack in the rock, singing along with his Walkman: "I'll Always Love Yooooouuuu…" He uses his dish towel to dab at his eyes, muttering under his breath, "Curse you, Bobby Brown, you infidel spawn of Satan. Curse you."