Last Updated Oct 20, 2016 5:03 PM EDT
Documents released by the King County Sheriff’s Office in Washington on Wednesday shed some new light on the hostile relationship that Giants kicker Josh Brown had with his now ex-wife, Molly, CBS Sports reports.
In the documents, which were obtained by SportsNet New York, Brown paints a picture of his everyday life through his journal, and none of it is pretty.
In the journal, Brown admits that he’s been an abusive husband.
“I have physically, mentally, emotionally and verbally been a repulsive man,” Brown wrote.
In the same entry, he circled the phrase, “I have abused my wife.”
Brown was suspended for one game this season after the NFL finished its investigation into an arrest from May 2015. After an incident with his wife in Washington, Brown was charged with fourth-degree domestic violence.
At the time of his suspension, Brown was furious that the NFL had decided to suspend him.
“While I do not agree with the suspension, I will accept it,” Brown said in August. “I have exhausted the appeals process and have no other options along those lines. I will continue to work hard for this team, and I have tremendous confidence in my teammates and in my ability to move on and contribute to the team.”
The Giants kicker also had the backing of owner John Mara, who defended Brown in August.
With the newest evidence, it’s possible defending Brown will be more difficult for anyone in the organization.
On Thursday, the NFL announced it is going to re-open its investigation into Brown, the Associated Press reported.
The NFL issued a statement on Thursday saying the league’s investigators made repeated verbal and written attempts to obtain any and all evidence and relevant information in the May 2015 case from the King County Sheriff’s Office in Washington, but were denied.
In one of his journal entries that was released on Wednesday, Brown wrote that he has been abusing women since age 7, which led to him abusing his then-wife.
“I have been a liar for most of my life,” Brown wrote. “I made selfish decisions to use and abuse women starting at the age of 7 to fill this void. I objectified women and never really worried about the pain and hurt I caused them. My ability to connect emotionally to other people was zero. My empathy levels were zero. Because I never handled these underlying issues I became an abuser and hurt Molly physically, emotionally and verbally. I viewed myself as God basically and she was my slave.”
After the May 2015 incident, Molly said that Josh had threatened to kill her “four or five times.” After the allegations from the 2015 incident became public, many people were surprised that Brown only received a one-game suspension. (You can read about those allegations here.)
As for the documents released on Wednesday, Brown vowed to fix things by making a “Contract of Change” in March 2013. In that contract, Brown wrote that he has “controlled [Molly] by making her feel less human than me, and manipulated her with money.”
Brown also admitted that he has an addiction to pornography. In his journal, he wrote that back in 2013 he “viewed pornography on a consistent basis to manage my desire for physical contact.”
There was also an email where he revealed that he “developed into a sexual deviant that viewed sex as a sport all most (sic).”
Although Giants ownership had his back the first time around, it’s not clear what the team’s response will be now.
In a statement earlier Thursday, the NFL said it would review the new documents.
“We will not be making any comments on potential discipline until that time,” the league said.
Brown and the Giants are scheduled to leave for London Thursday morning as they prepare to play the Rams on Sunday.