Fair warning now to any parent who has a child of tooth-losing age in the room -- our contributor Jim Gaffigan is back again to address a heated controversy of his own creation:
Hi, I've just come out of hiding.
Two weeks ago I did a commentary about the Tooth Fairy -- I know, an edgy, sensitive topic!
Understandably, people were upset. We are talking about the Tooth Fairy, after all. How dare I cast my dark cynicism on something as sacred and pivotal to the emotional development of all children as the Tooth Fairy?
I have no excuse.
Why would I go after the Tooth Fairy? Why would I unwittingly destroy a child's innocence? I guess I could say I was tired, but frankly I'm ALWAYS kind of tired. Sure, I could blame Obama; we all know he ISresponsible for most of the bad in the world!
I realize that to some of you my Tooth Fairy comments were equal to me burning the American Flag or tearing up a headshot of the Pope. For that I am deeply regretful.
I mostly want to apologize to CBS "Sunday Morning," my favorite show. To think that "Fairygate" has damaged the 38-year legacy of this show shames me to no end. I would resign if I were in any way employed by this show.
I should have known a key CBS "Sunday Morning" demographic is baby tooth-losing children around the age of 5 or 6.
I'm an complete ignoramous!
I would also like to say I'm sorry to my close friend and fishing buddy Chuck Osgood, who last week had to address viewers' concerns over my reckless commentary on the Tooth Fairy. Sorry, Chuck! Of course, Chuck gave me his "all's good" Osgood thumbs-up in Monday morning's meeting, but I know our relationship has been damaged, and I'm sad about it.
I'd like to stress that I've learned from Fairygate. I learned that, thankfully, in this age of ISIS and environmental uncertainty, that as a country we are focusing on important things -- like the Tooth Fairy.
Thank you, America!
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