How to Survive Dinner with a Wine-Snob Boss

Understand Why Wine Is a Big Deal

Goal: Appreciate wine’s special role at the
dinner table.

The best reason for getting to know wine has nothing to do with
your boss or anyone else. Every wine vintage is unique. That’s what
makes it different from all that other stuff you drink — soda, hard
liquor, and beer — whose appeal and price are based on tasting the
same this year as they did last.

Wine varies so much from year to year because wine grapes are
very sensitive to climate — temperature, soil, rainfall, surrounding
vegetation. A vineyard planted near a eucalyptus grove will likely produce wine
with eucalyptus-like qualities. A wine made from grapes that were grown in a
dry season will taste differently than one produced during a wet one.

What really gets wine enthusiasts all breathless is that, when
you drink a good wine, you are experiencing a unique product of the natural
environment at a given moment in time, brought out by the winemaker’s
art. Earth in a glass, as the saying goes.

Grasp the Grapes

Goal: Acquire a basic understanding of the different
types of wine.

In the United States, wines are traditionally marketed by varietal,
which is simply a wine made from a given variety of grape. It’s an
easy, though not always accurate, way to classify a wine and predict its taste.
In the movie “Sideways,” Virginia Madsen gets all
cross-eyed over pinot noir while Paul Giamatti categorically rails against
merlot.

In France and Italy, it’s different. The French
believe that where a wine’s grapes are grown is just as
important, if not more important, than the kind of grapes used. That’s
why French wines are labeled according to region, such as Burgundy or Bordeaux,
although some French wines sold in the U.S. now indicate the varietal, hoping
that it will help boost sales to American wine drinkers familiar with grapes
like cabernet and chardonnay. In fact, many French wines are blends of
different grapes. Italy, which has an even older wine tradition than France,
takes a similar approach.

Don’t assume you’re going to learn about
every possible varietal on the market — start with the six most
popular in the U.S.:

red wines: cabernet sauvignon, merlot, and
pinot noir

white wines: chardonnay, pinot blanc/pinot
grigio, and sauvignon blanc

For descriptions of these and other varietals, see our href="http://www.bnet.com/2403-13068_23-180970.html">“Wine Types:
What They Are and Where They’re From.” First, get
yourself familiar with the descriptions of each varietal, particularly the
adjectives like "earthy" or "full-bodied." Then look (and
taste) for these characteristics the next time you sample a glass.

Get Help Choosing the Right Wine for the Occasion

Goal: Find the perfect pairing for your food.

Having your boss over for dinner doesn’t mean you need
to blow $400 on a couple bottles of Opus One. Here’s a smart tactic
that will allow you — yes, you, wine ignoramus — to play
sommelier come dinner time.

Jot down what’s on your menu — all the
courses, including dessert — and get yourself to a high-end wine
shop. (These days, most major metro areas have more than one.) Yes, the wines
will be more expensive here than at your local supermarket, but you want
something that will impress your boss, right? At these stores, moonlighting as
salespeople, you’ll find oenophiles who desperately want to share
their knowledge of all things vino and will help you find the perfect wine.

Fess up immediately about your ignorance. Simply describe the
occasion, the menu, and how much you want to spend, and let your expert
shopkeeper be your Sherpa.

Once you’ve gotten some recommendations, listen
carefully to the description of each wine’s character and taste —
not because you will ape these words in front of your boss as you pour the
first glass, but because they serve as a good reference for your own tasting.
Also, buy an extra bottle or two — you’ll need that for
Step 4.

Step 4. Do a Dry-Run Tasting with Friends

Goal: Show your wine experience without sounding like
a dolt.

Before your dinner, crack open a bottle or two on your own or
with some friends. Pour out a little into each glass — they shouldn’t
be any more than one-third full, otherwise you could spill the wine when you
swirl. Note your impressions of each of the following:

Look. Hold your glass up to the light. What
color is the wine? Is it light red, deep purple, or somewhere in the middle? Is
there some brown mixed in? Now swirl the wine a bit in the glass. Does it leave
thick or thin streaks on the inside of the glass? Those streaks are the
oft-described “legs”; thicker legs mean the wine has more
alcohol.

Smell. Tilt the glass, stick your nose in it as
far as you can without getting wet, and take a deep breath. What does the wine
smell like? Aromas that typically occur in wines include:

• Fruit
• Herbs
• Veggies and grass
• Fresh dirt (actually a good smell)
• Flowers
• Tobacco
• Smoke
• Chocolate

Taste. Take a sip of the wine and swirl it
around in your mouth a bit (don’t overdo it — you’re
not gargling with Scope). What does it taste like? You’ll notice that
many of the aromas that you found while sniffing the wine are repeated as
flavors when you taste it. But you’ll also discover these basic
qualities:

• Sweetness versus dryness. In the beverage
  world, “dry” means a lack of sweetness. Dry beverages
  include mineral water and vodka; a sweet beverage would be Pepsi-Cola. Don’t
  confuse sweetness with “fruitiness.”
• Fruitiness. Your wine may have hints of various
  fruits, such as citrus fruits, melons, pears, apples, cherries, berries, and/or
  jelly or jam.
• Acidity. Does the wine make your mouth pucker?
  If so, its acidity is probably high, which helps the wine pair better with
  foods.
• Tannin. Gives a “raspy” feel in your mouth,
  like you get after drinking cranberry juice. Tannic wines often pair well with
  heavy foods such as beef.
• Body. Does the wine feel heavy, medium heavy, or light in
  your mouth?
• Finish. A wine will taste differently after swallowing
  than it did when it first hit your tongue. How long these flavors linger will
  help you tell whether the wine’s finish, or aftertaste, is short,
  medium, or long.

Do this ritual (look, smell, taste) when you start on your first
bottle of wine or when you move from one bottle to another — not every time you take a sip.

Serve at the Main Event

Goal: Give your guests a great meal and get in their
good graces.

Start with the sparkle. Offer each of your guests a flute
of chilled sparkling wine or champagne, filled about 2/3 full, when they
arrive.

When you open sparkling wine, don’t fire the cork at
the ceiling and let the bubbly gush out like you just struck oil. For one
thing, this lets a lot of the fizz escape. For another, it’s
something people really only do in movies. Wrap the top of the bottle in a
napkin and gently pull the cork out while turning the bottle. All you should
hear is a little spoof when the cork comes free.

Move on to white. Serve a light dish, such as salad, as
your first course with your first still wine, which should probably be a white.
There are no real rules about this, but it’s best to stay with
convention until you’re more experienced.

Shift to red. As you move to the meat dishes, it’ll
be time to break out the red wines. As the shopkeeper likely explained, start
with a more delicate red, such as a pinot noir, and move on to a heavier one,
such as a zinfandel or cabernet.

Savor the sweetness. It’s time for dessert —
and sweet dessert wines, such as a Sauterne, vin santo, or port. If you choose
port, remember to pass it to the left. Even if the person directly to
your right asks for more, the bottle must always go around the table to
the left. It’s a 19th-century club man thing.