Everyone Has an "X Factor": How to Find Yours
In 2009, Susan Boyle walked out on a stage in Britain. Looking about as likely to be able to sing as my cat, people laughed at her. The two hosts, looking like weasels behind stage, made sarcastic faces. The judges poked her with questions about how well she could sing, smiling that "here we go again" grin. Then the music started and Susan began to sing.
A lot's been written about that moment, and most of it comes down to "wow!" For me, it shows what happens when a person finds their "X Factor," that almost impossible to name something that turns an average actor into Daniel Craig, a director into J. J. Abrams, a writer into J. K. Rowling, or a business person into Richard Branson (and later, Sir Richard Branson).
A person who finds their X Factor looks like a work of art in motion. Their mastery stuns us. They seem to see things the rest of us don't see, and they can do things that defy explanation. When they are expressing their X Factor, we see effortless joy. It's as though we're seeing someone from an alternative reality that is better than the universe we live in. A little part of us craves that for ourselves, and wants to be in the presence of it. This yearning is one reason people will stand in line overnight in the rain to get tickets to see Lady Gaga, "The Book of Mormon" and the Super Bowl.
Over twenty years of teaching and research have taught me that every person has an X Factor, but most live their life without finding it. Finding your X Factor is not difficult, but it requires curiosity and the willingness to fall flat on your behind a time or two. This process also comes with a warning: people who find their X Factor are prone to self-destructive behavior, as we saw with the death of Amy Winehouse. Follow the instructions in this blog post exactly, and you'll be well on your way to finding your X Factor, and also avoid this pitfall.
1. Find Your Passionate Abilities
At the core of your X Factor is a set of what some call "passionate abilities." These satisfy three conditions: you do it extremely well; although you may have developed the ability, you always had the talent; and this skill gives you a sense of effortless joy.
A passionate ability is extremely specific. Think again of Susan Boyle. She shared almost nothing with the late Amy Winehouse, who was also artistic. Is it singing? Yes, but this is also too vague. For Boyle, it's singing Broadway show tunes, mostly melodramatic and filled with big emotions. Amy Winehouse shows how specific we need to get: she was great at singing a combination of jazz and retro soul. Even her beehive hairdo was part of the passionate ability. Your abilities are as unique as a fingerprint, and the more specifically you understand them, the closer you are to finding your X Factor.
One of my colleagues, Jack Bennett, is great at building relationships that go on for years. When I first asked him about how he does it, he said, "I just talk to people." Notice this is too vague. The "passionate ability" is much more specific-something we both understood only when we approached it with curiosity, and a desire to spot what he did remarkably well.
Here's what we came to: Jack snaps headphones into his iPhone and as he listens to the person on the other end of the line, riffs on what the person wants in a way that makes the other person see it more clearly. He laughs, and encourages them to laugh, as he also gets them inspired about how it'll all work out. People end up really liking Jack. No matter where I go in the world, one of the first questions people always ask me is, "how's Jack?" For years, we had Jack working on things he could do that weren't his X Factor-like PowerPoint slides-and it was a waste of his passionate abilities. Now Jack is the first line of contact for people who want something Tribal Leadership related.
So how do you do this?
Identify your accomplishments and work backwards. Just focus on the result, not on how you got there. Then tell another person how you did it, and ask them to help identify your passionate abilities. The hard part for them is slowing your description down when it gets to the good point. The person helping you find your passionate abilities will have to stop you, ask you to go very slowly through what will seem like an unimportant part of the story, because it's just "what you do."
2. Connect Your Passionate Abilities To Something Big
Imagine Mother Teresa emptying trashcans, or Gandhi selling shoes. The two only became great in the world's eyes when they went after a massive problem-the sick and dying in Calcutta (Mother Teresa), and the lack of Indian self-rule (Gandhi).
There are two reasons why it's important to make this connection to your core values. First, it allows your X Factor to shine-as you make a dent in a large problem. Second, it avoids the pitfall of self-destruction that we so often see with people of enormous talent.
Our passionate abilities comes so easily to us that our brains have lots of extra time to try to figure out why people are making such a fuss about us. We're just doing what comes naturally-why does everyone keep talking about it?
And, for some of us, there's a large sliver in guilt in all this-did we someone win the ability lottery and the rest of humanity is left to suffer in mediocrity?
Then there's the fear-if it came so easily to us, does this mean it could disappear just as easily? It's not surprising that many people who find their passionate abilities suffer mental breakdowns, moral lapses and substance abuse. While they had to work hard to get to where they are, it's now easy, and so in the midst of exhibiting great talent, they feel guilty, superior, terrified, and bored.
The way out of this pitfall is to go after a problem so big, that it will take all of your talent, and that of others, to make any headway.
Here are the burning questions: why is it most of us don't know what our passionate abilities are? Shouldn't this be the first goal of teachers, bosses, and parents? And, most important, do you know what your passionate ability is? If so, how did you find it?
Related:
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