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Ex-pickup artist reveals struggle with monogamy in "The Truth"

In his controversial best-seller, "The Game," Neil Strauss infiltrated a group of pickup artists
In his controversial best-seller, "The Game,"... 05:33

In his 2005 controversial bestseller, "The Game," author Neil Strauss infiltrated a group of pickup artists, revealing the secrets of seduction. Now, 10 years later, the award-winning journalist is out with, "The Truth: An Uncomfortable Book About Relationships," where Strauss opens up about his cheating and his transformation process.

"I guess sometimes you have to hit a real low, and for me, it was meeting someone I cared about, being really in love with this person - so I thought. Then cheating on her, getting caught and breaking the heart of someone who loves you, hurting her that much that, I started to think, 'Well, maybe I'm just completely wrong about everything,'" Strauss said Tuesday on "CBS This Morning."

He had thought he was a "good guy," but wondered how a good guy could hurt himself and loved ones in such a way.

Strauss went to rehab trying to figure out what was wrong, he said, but still went on living life in "a horrible way" until he realized humility was the biggest trait one can have to change.

So what is "The Truth" about relationships?

For Strauss, it's two things:

"One, it's the opposite of 'The Game,'" he said "'The Game' is kind of manipulation. And what is the opposite of that? It's the truth. And secondly, it's kind of what you need in a relationship. If you look at the Ashley Madison scandal, my relationship, your relationships, you look at that and people are so scared to be honest with their partner because they're scared of what they'll think, what they might do to really show themselves and their vulnerability."

Ultimately, while people are trying to find the "right" person, to Strauss, love is about becoming the right person, he said.

"Everybody's trying to find the right person. They keep finding the same person. Maybe they're...different heights, different shapes. They seem different at first, and they end up in the same situation every time because their relationship - because I learned I would always blame the other person until I had a look that it has nothing to do with them. It has nothing to do with their relationship. It's only in the way I relate to them," Strauss said.

To transform away from a pickup artist way of life, one must work at it, Strauss said.

"Apologizing, saying 'you're sorry, it'll never happen again' is not enough," he said.

Earning trust back will take time, he said.

"You also have to recognize that the person who you cheated on has been not just hurt, but literally traumatized. It is a traumatic event, and they have to heal too. So it's a long healing process for both people," Strauss said.

For Strauss and his significant other, "the cheating was honestly the best thing that happened to us because now we're in a real relationship," he said. "She knows everything about me. I know everything about her."

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