"Don't Read!! Personall," warns the diary's inside cover. But its author, Anna Nicole Smith, has no hold in death on the remnants of her life.
The public now can discover that she was delighted by rough sex, ecstatic over the prospect of plastic surgery for her breasts, and fearful of a jealous boyfriend. She was careless with spelling, punctuation and, too often, with her own well-being.
Complaining about her then-lover's carousing, Smith writes that she'll break it off with him if he doesn't stop. Then she amends her stand, according to new diary excerpts released exclusively to The Associated Press.
Her boyfriend "came unglued. threw me out of his house & broke up with me it was awlful he hit me and my mother," she said.
The model and former Playboy Playmate, who was born Vickie Lynn Smith, was found dead Feb. 8 in Hollywood, Fla., of a toxic mix of prescription drugs.
Copies of 60 diary pages were provided to the AP by Universal Rarities, a Corona-based auction house. The diaries were purchased from a memorabilia shop by a group of investors, who sold two of them to a German businessman for more than $500,000.
Those diaries were from 1992 and 1994 and included references to elderly Texas oil tycoon J. Howard Marshall II, whom Smith married in 1994 and who died the next year.
The newly released handwritten diary pages are from a different diary and will be posted online at urauctions.com, said Thomas Riccio, a partner in Universal Rarities.
Smith's tone in the entries veers between simple joy and deep-seated unhappiness.
One entry begins, "I'm a very sad person," and is illustrated by a weeping face. Smith goes on to write that "my mom hates me so much. She is so jealous of me. ... I love my mom but I cant handle it anymore."
She posts intimate details of an active sex life in often-graphic language. She rails against her boyfriend and, in the same scrawled entry, celebrates her upcoming breast surgery.
"I'm so excited I could scream. Ahhhhh I just feel so happy," Smith writes, although she later expresses worry about the imminent operation and how she'll look.
One of the more poignant passages deals with her shock at finding she's pregnant.
"I'm so scared! How can this happen to me," she writes, adding that her boyfriend "will hate me. he don't want kid. Can't do it!"
She underlined the last phrase.
Smith later had two children. Son Daniel died last September at age 20 of a lethal combination of drugs, three days after Smith gave birth to a daughter, Dannielynn. Larry Birkhead was found to be the baby's father.