Talking to your child during the "gotta have it" phase and avoiding entitlement
PITTSBURGH (KDKA) - There are so many challenges in parenthood and one of the toughest is drawing the line when your child wants something.
Often, their desires are driven by what their friends have and they want it too!
The key is that it's okay to say no sometimes, but how you say no is crucial.
The "gotta haves" are driven by the latest fad and what comes into your child's universe.
"Kids get hung up, like we all did when we were kids, we all think we have to have the latest whatever it is," explained Dr. Vanessa Jensen a psychologist at the Cleveland Clinic.
Dr. Jensen said don't underestimate the power of peer pressure, which falls like a waterfall on you.
This means you as a parent have to resist the "always have to make your child happy" trap.
"It seems like it's getting harder for parents to simply say no," Dr. Jensen explained. "Have to and want to are different things."
Often, your desire to say no is financially driven, and according to Dr. Jensen, it's okay to sometimes acknowledge that you can't get everything because not everybody has tons and tons of money.
That said, whatever the reason, it's important to talk to your child.
"I think parents need to have those discussions from they're wee ones until they are adults," she said.
However, don't necessarily expect a reasonable reaction, and that could mean getting the ugly look from your kids, but if they aren't lashing out, that's a good thing, but don't dismiss the disappointment.
"Acknowledge the feeling without much attention or emotion, and then distraction," Dr. Jensen said.
That distraction means suggesting going to do something else, but make sure it's not a reward - in other words, don't counter the disappointment with ice cream.
Now, if the reasoned "let's talk" approach doesn't work, Dr. Jensen said to kick the can down the road, talk about their upcoming birthday or Christmas, and suggest they include it on their wish list.
