Worst. Crisis. Ever: DC Comics "Reboots" Superman, Batman and Co.

Is there anyone on the planet who doesn't know how Superman became Superman? How about Batman? Despite the fact that everyone already knows the stories, DC Comics is going to relaunch these and the rest of its superhero comic books in September.

DC is calling it a "reboot." As far as I can tell, this means restarting the issue count at #1, adding blood and making the superheroines' clothes even more revealing -- if at all possible. (See Catwoman sample at right.)

The Time-Warner (TWX) subsidiary says the move is about adding diversity and a more modern look. This means we may actually get a second African-American superhero (Luke Cage, a lonely nation turns its eyes to you). Nor is that the only addition. As Marissa Meli put it: "So you can definitely expect at least somebody besides Batwoman to be gay. It's about time, Wonder Woman. It's about time."

The real reason, of course, is to make the comics more interesting to new readers and therefore sell more of them.

Hey, DC! Alienate this!
Unfortunately, doing this also means running the risk of alienating long-time customers. And there is no one so ready to be alienated as comic book fan. These are the people (your author included) who have no problem with flying people shooting mysterious rays out of their eyes and destroying entire cities (which are always re-assembled for the next issue), but somehow find it illogical when the weapon or villain destroyed 150 issues ago suddenly re-appears without explanation. Your average comic book fan can pick a nit so fine that Talmudic scholars gnash their teeth in envy.

As one fan put it:

This dismissiveness is offensive to loyal readers. It implies (although wrongly) that all past continuity is irrelevant, and what you've read before doesn't matter any more. Storylines old ("Invasion", "Legends", "Judas Contract", "Knightfall", "Death of Superman") and new ("Blackest Night", "Final Crisis", "Batman, Inc.") don't matter. If true, why are you buying these books any more? Why not quit now and -- if you have the stomach for it -- start again in September?

DC fans in particular have every reason to be rolling their eyes and snorting dismissively. This is at least the fifth time the company has tried a restart from scratch (three of those restarts were in the last decade).

• 1985's "Crisis on Infinite Earths" -- a villain called the Anti-Monitor ripped reality apart
• 1994's "Zero Hour" -- Homicidal Green Lantern tries to blow up the universe;
• 2005's "Infinite Crisis" is my favorite: A homicidal version of Superboy punches the universe so hard it resets history.
• There is debate in the fan community as to whether 2008's "Final Crisis" was a genuine reboot or just an ironic comment.

Picture: DC Comics
Related:

• My Little Pony: the Hip, New Trend Among the Geekerati
• Disney Changes Course and Let Muppets Run Wild
• Kung Fu Panda Box Office Fail Has Bears Circling DreamWorks Animation