We're still in the early stages of the 2012 presidential campaign season, and already it's turning out to a surreal one for campaign advertising. Racism? Paranoia? Guns? Candidates who refuse to eat in nice restaurants with their wives? Candidates have promised all that and more.
Next: Begin gallery of The 10 Craziest Election Ads of the YearÂ»
Jon Huntsman won't take his wife out to eat
The Huntsman campaign has yet to make an embeddable version if this 5 minute video available, but it's worth going to the 3:50 section for a priceless description of what kind of husband Huntsman is:
... a dad who won't make dinner reservations because his favorite restaurant carts won't take them. Mary Kay has mentioned she'd like to eat somewhere nice someday but that day seems yet to arrive.Next: Bachmann fills out a formÂ»
Michele Bachmann fills out a form
Normally, you'd want the announcement of a presidential candidacy to feel like a victory speech -- balloons, bunting, a frienzied crowd -- but Michele Bachmann's announcement is the opposite of that. She appears in front of what might be her bathroom cabinets in a clip that might have been filmed on her iPhone.
Then, she asks you to care about the paperwork: "Hi, my name is Michele Bachmann. Today I filed the necessary paperwork to seek the office of the presidency of the United States." So, er, does that mean you're running? Guess so! There is nothing in this ad to move you except Bachmann's wildly swinging earrings.
Next: "I don't snuff my own seed"Â»
Herman Cain: "I don't snuff my own seed"
This radio ad was made in 2006 but has become a 2012 talking point as Cain seeks the GOP nomination. It's bizarre -- Cain is heard talking to what seems to be a stereotype of a black American, and suggests he's got no interest in voting Republican because he doesn't work, doesn't pay taxes, isn't married and favors abortion:
After you make a little mistake with one of your ho's you'll want to dispose of that problem toot suite, no questions asked, right.The man replies, "Naw, that's too cold. I don't snuff my own seed." Cain responds, "Huh. Really? Well, maybe you do have a reason to vote Republican!"
Next: The Colbert bumpÂ»
Stephen Colbert: Vote "Parry"
Next: T-Paw owns a gunÂ»
Tim Pawlenty likes his gun
"Results. Not rhetoric"? I'm scared to think what "results" Pawlenty is planning with his shotgun. And check out those woolly mittens! Hey, it's been a while since we had someone in the White House who shot someone in the face.
Next: Ron Paul, superheroÂ»
There can be only one: Ron Paul, superhero
Judging by the green "Preview" title and the deep-smoked, movie trailer voiceover ("It's the story of a lost city, lost opportunity, lost hope ..."), Ron Paul appears to believe he has the super power to "restore America now." Casting himself as "The One" -- a bit like The Highlander? -- it's stirring stuff, until the very last line, when Paul's thin, reedy, unpresidential voice trills, "I'm Ron Paul and I approved this message."
Next: The birtherÂ»
Andy Martin, still a birther
"100 million Americans have doubts about Obama's origins." Sigh. Maybe six months ago. But didn't Hawaii produce the "long-form" birth certificate that was supposed to "prove" Obama was from Kenya? And didn't it say exactly the same thing as the short-form one -- that President Obama is from Hawaii? Yes, it did, but Andy Martin is delusional, and he wants your money.
Next: "Give us your cash bitch"Â»
"Give us your cash, bitch"
Possibly the most racist attack ad of all time, RightTurnUSA paid for this unsuccessful attempt to derail California Democrat Janice Hahn's bid for Congress in July 2011. It claimed she employed former gang members in an anti-gang initiative. Voters didn't buy it.
Next: The Red Army at the CapitolÂ»
Mark Amodei believes China will invade Washington
In his bid for Congress in September, Nevada Repubican Amodei commissioned this depiction of a Chinese news anchor celebrating the Red Army capturing Congress because Obama just couldn't stop selling them debt. It's racist stuff, and the proof is that the English translation of the newscaster is done with the R/L mixup common to all racist depictions of Asians.
Next: Gingrich promises immortalityÂ»
Newt Gingrich promises to give you a longer life
This Gingrich announcement is incredibly dull until about halfway through when he appears to be saying he'll become a benign dictator if elected and "and insist on imposing those solutions on those forces that don't want to change." He then promises to let you all live "longer lives" if you vote for him. It's not so much a commercial as a series of threats.