Separation Study Questions Cultural Norms

If your relationship was at risk, would you want to know?

A recently released study by Australian National University called "What's Love Got to Do with It?" conducted from 2001 to 2007 on 2,482 couples, illuminates a number of risk factors in relationships, and gives numerical evidence to show how likely these factors are to cause the separation of couples who are married or living together.

On "The Early Show" Wednesday, Matt Titus, author of "Why Hasn't He Called?" and Nicole Beland, executive editor of Cosmopolitan magazine, commented on the study's findings.

One conclusion: Men who have a nine-year difference or more with their spouse or men who marry before age 25 are more likely to separate than other people.

Titus said men who are older slow down too much for their spouses. Titus said he's five years older than his wife and he can't keep up.

Beland said women marry older men for stability.

"They want this father figure," she said. "Then they realize five years later, " 'You know what? I don't want that anymore. I want someone who is my equal." '

And as for men getting married young, Titus said men who marry before 25 haven't had enough sexual experience with women to settle down.

"Twenty-five-year-old men are not forward-thinking," he said. "They're just not ready."

Beland said younger men haven't learned how to compromise, and aren't ready to have one woman for the rest of their lives yet at that age.

"Your early 20s is a time about you," Beland said, "(and) finding out who you are. It's not a natural time about personal sacrifice, which is what you have to do to make a relationship last, both for men and women -- never mind sexual experience."

The Australian study also concluded that having kids before you get married almost doubles your risk of separation.

"Early Show" co-anchor Harry Smith remarked this is a big thing, considering so many children are born out of wedlock.

Titus said kids shouldn't be a reason to get married.

Beland agreed, added people do often feel an obligation to get married if they have children.

"It might not be the best solution," she said.

"You get married for each other first," Titus said, "then you have babies."

Another finding was that people whose parents get divorced are six percent more likely to divorce than spouses whose parents haven't.

Beland told "Early Show" co-anchor Maggie Rodriguez she was surprised the number wasn't higher.

"Wouldn't you think it would have a huge effect on more people?" she said.
Smith also talked about another study in the February issue of the Journal of Family Psychology. This study finds couple who live together before they get married are more likely to get divorced than others who wait to move in together. The study indicates co-habitation can lead to marriage for the wrong reasons because the couple just slides into it after living together for a while.

Titus shared his surprise. He said, "I was thinking testing the milk before you buy the cow works."

Beland said, "It becomes relationship inertia. You're shacked up and living together. (You say,) 'We might as well get married.' You do, even if you're not totally in love or great partners."

Rodriguez remarked one more statistic in the Australian study surprised her: that second and third marriages are doomed to fail.

Rodriguez said her husband was married once and she thinks it's a great thing.

"He made his mistakes the first time around," she said. "He learned from that experience."

But Titus added, "When you know that you are okay after a divorce, you (say to yourself you) can find somebody else, you're more apt to leave. You know it's going to be okay. You've done it once before. You can get married again. So you leave."

Beland added that people who get married twice or three times are "real romantics."

"They're in love with falling in love," she said. "After two or three times, you know, that's what happens."