I love this time of year - Christmastime - but I dread it, too.
There's so much pressure to get the right present for everyone.
Tonight, I thought I'd help anyone thinking of giving me a present by making a list of things I don't want. These catalogs I got are filled with things I hope no one gives me one of.
Here's a new digital camera I don't want from Amazon.com. I don't want a new digital camera, because Keith gave me a digital camera last Christmas, and I haven't learned how to work that one yet. They're making a lot of new, improved, more complicated things before I've learned how to work the one I already have.
You could save $100 on a digital cable TV in another ad. I'll tell you what. I have an idea of what you could give me. Buy the digital cable TV for someone else and give me the $100 you saved.
Here's a $49.94 chair. Looks OK but it says, "assembly required." Please don't give me anything I have to put together.
Here are four watches in the Tiffany catalog. They run from $1,650 to $2,950, so you're lucky I don't want any of these. None of them have numbers on them. Why is it that watches without numbers cost more?
My watch cost me $17 - 20 years ago. I'm often late, but it isn't my watch's fault. I'd have been just as late with a $3,000 Tiffany watch.
Here's a catalog called "Hard To Find Tools." Who wants tools that are hard to find?
Hammacher Schlemmer sells what they call a "name doormat." The one in the catalog has "Smith" on it, but the idea is you get your own name put on it.
That's a bad idea, isn't it? I don't want a doormat with people wiping their feet on my name. Some of the letters I get are bad enough. If someone gave me a doormat for Christmas, I'd rather have one with "Smith" on it instead of "Rooney."
This says "over 90 gift ideas". One of their ideas is a leather wastebasket for $159. A wastebasket is not a Christmas present.
The real trouble with buying a present for someone like me is, if I wanted one, I probably already bought it for myself. But, you know, Merry Christmas.
By Andy Rooney