Keep Your Hands Off Me in the Office
Is too much touching in the workplace a bad thing?
The question's on my mind because of a Wall Street Journal article by Elizabeth Bernstein about people who persist in touching colleagues at work. In it, she describes herself as a "touchee" -- someone who, through no action of their own, seems to inspires unwanted touching from coworkers.
She writes,
I get bear hugs from men and unsolicited kisses on the cheek from women. Co-workers of both sexes grip my elbows, tap my knees and pat my back. An editor recently held my hand on deadline--literally. One work friend hugs me every time she sees me in the elevator, even if I'm furiously typing on my BlackBerry and juggling iced coffee and a salad.If Bernstein is a touchee, we've all known people who are inveterate touch-ers -- those who can't seem to interact with others without a pat, a hug, a high-five, a playful hair-tousle, or other physical contact.
I thought my colleagues were just being really friendly, until I turned a corner in the hallway one day and the cleaning woman flung her arms around me and stroked my hair. She told me she just wanted to say 'Hi.'"
Touching is, of course, a natural human response, and a thoughtful hug for a distraught coworker or a high-five following an achievement can be both appropriate and welcome. But there comes a time when too much office touching can be uncomfortable. (Not to mention a potential lawsuit, but I'm not going there in this post.)
I know that I like to keep a zone of personal space around myself. If someone enters that space uninvited with an air kiss or a pat on my shoulder, I feel invaded, annoyed, and off-kilter. Do it often enough, and I'm likely to either get angry or start avoiding you -- either way, that makes for a tough office dynamic.
And when I was pregnant? Woo! Talk about uninvited contact. It's as if pregnant bellies send off a message that reads, "No boundaries here! I'm not a person, I'm a freak show! Go ahead, pat me!"
But maybe I'm just hypersensitive. Today's workplace is a lot more casual than it used to be. Maybe hugs and back rubs are just part of the new paradigm, like flip-flops and nose piercings. And I acknowledge that it's a slippery slope. While practically no one will take offense at a handshake, where does a slap on the back rate? How about a fist bump? A hand on the knee? A kiss on the cheek?
Which is why I'm interested in what you think. So take my poll, and give me your feedback in the comments section.
(image by lizasperling via Flickr, CC 2.0)