Is It Time to End That Business Relationship?
The good news is most business relationships can work for years, and many, for a lifetime. The bad news is that some are doomed and it's best to cut bait early.
There are several obvious reasons to walk away, including illegal behavior, violence (you'd be surprised how many times I've heard of coworkers throwing staplers at each other), or psychopathic behavior.
But the single most important indicator that it's time to go is much more subtle, which is why people ignore it for years. It is when your core values, and those of another person, cannot coexist. Before anyone starts packing, let's make sure you see have a real core values clash, as this situation is surprisingly rare.
The technique to use is called "click down." To see how it works, let's go to a setting where the stakes are high and people are smart enough to have tried just about strategy before deciding to leave the organization. I'm talking about museums, and I've been honored to work with leaders in this industry for many years as part of the faculty of the Getty Leadership Institute. Unlike many organizations, museums run on core values. People study art history-a doctorate in the field is a prerequisite to leadership in many museums-because they love art. They stay in the field for the same reason, and larger museums attract hundreds of volunteers that fill their free time by educating visitors about the museum's collections. When personal values of leaders collide with those of others, the result can derail the organization. People often chose sides, the museum fragments into silos. The rates of gossip soar, and people use spies and networks to find out what the "other side" is doing. Volunteers sense the disharmony and many stop showing up.
Within the most difficult of situations, let's pick one of the most toughest clashes: A nonprofit CFO and an Executive Director (ED) hate each other, and everyone in the museum seems to know about it. The CFO values a balanced budget while the ED values growth and expansion of the museum's collections. Every time the ED brings up expansion, the CFO turns red and shakes his head. Likewise, every time the CFO brings up "reining in expenses," the ED tells her why that approach is wrong. In some museums, this problem has been boiling for years.
Here's how to use "click down." Start with the ED, and ask him to identify his value that the CFO violates. He'll probably say, "she doesn't understand the need for growth." Deepen the conversation by asking what about that value is so important. You might ask: "what about growth is so important?" Many EDs will say, "because that's how we become better known as a museum." Continue to deepen by asking about that statement-why is becoming better known important? You might hear: "because our mission is to educate, and we can't do that if no one knows who we are." There's a good chance we're now dealing with a core value, rather than something more superficial. You can verify that "the mission" is a core value by trying to deepen it. If you ask: "and why is the mission so important?", you'll probably hear something like, "because it is." When asked why a core value is important, people circle back to it because there is nothing deeper. A core value is the bedrock of a human being-there's nothing below it.
Now let's turn to the CFO. When asked to identify the value that the ED violates, she'll probably say, "he doesn't see the need to operate with a balanced budget." Click down by asking why a balanced budget is so important, you might hear: "because that's how we stay open." If asked why staying open is important, she might say, "because that's part of our mission-to educate." And, like the ED, when trying to deepen "the mission," it loops back to the same value.
In this case, the two people were fighting over values that weren't core values. A little dose of "click down," and it turns out they have found a shared commitment that is deeper than the conflict. The question to ask them now is: "how do we serve our mission of education, while managing responsibly and finding ways to grow?"
If you can find shared core values, you can work together. In fact, some of the best partnerships have shared core values while clashing on non-core values.
If you go through "click down," and end up with core values that cancel each other out, then it's time to pack your bags. Clashes I've seen include:
- Efficiency vs. excellence. One person will want to get a lot done at 80% quality, while the other wants to do less to perfection.
- Impact vs. quality of life. One person wants to work 20-hour days to make history, while the other wants to leave at 6pm and take the weekends off to spend time with his family.
- Professionalism vs. pragmatism. One person wants to set the bar on doing things in a way that adheres to professional standards while the other wants to just do what works.
Ever have a real values conflict, and wait too long before cutting bait? If so, I hope you'll add a comment below.
