How to Take Parental Leave

Know Your Rights

Goal: Determine exactly how much time — paid and unpaid — you may take for parental leave.

There are three levels of rules that govern family leave — federal, state, and employer — and all of them apply differently depending on your job situation. For example, under the Family Medical Leave Act (FMLA) of 1993, "eligible" employees may take up to 12 work weeks of unpaid leave in any 12-month period for the birth or adoption of a child. However, "eligible" is defined as someone who has been employed for at least 12 months; who has worked at least 1,250 hours; and whose company employs 50 or more employees within 75 miles of the worksite. If you don't meet these criteria, you can't take leave under FMLA. State laws vary similarly, as do company rules, so it pays to do your research. In some companies, sick, personal, or vacation time can be taken in lieu of or in addition to parental leave, but not all employers offer that kind of flexibility -- or even any sort of guaranteed leave. Talking to your human resources coordinator can make things clear.

"So many people make assumptions that their company will take care of leave time like they do vacation or sick time, but that's not always the case," says Scott Adler, managing editor of Babycenter.com. "Know your leave rights and what FMLA and state aid is available. And find out what your job will offer you, because for some people, that can be a big negative surprise."

Be aware that most family-leave rules apply equally whether you're male or female. Many fathers are unaware of how extensive their rights are and may lose out on the opportunity to bond with a new child as a result.

Just as an aside: When it comes to the generousness of parental-leave policies, the United States ranks dismally low when compared to other countries. A new study from McGill University's Institute for Health and Social Policy found that the United States, Liberia, Swaziland, and Papua New Guinea were the only countries out of 173 examined that didn't guarantee any paid leave for mothers. Contrast that to the liberal policies of Norway, which guarantees 52 weeks of leave (paid at 80 percent) for either parent and reserves four weeks of this time exclusively for fathers.

Map Out Your Leave

Goal: Consider all of your options and decide how and when you'll take your time off.

Once you've determined how much time you're legally allowed to take, you'll need to figure out how to apply it to your own situation. Financial planning usually plays a huge part in making this decision. While some companies might be happy to offer 12 months of unpaid leave, it may not be feasible to go without income for a full year. Analyze how much replacement income you'll need and compare it to the paid leave that's available to you. Consider using up outstanding vacation and personal days, which are compensated, before using medical or family leave. Decide if you'd like to take time off before the child arrives or if you'll work until the last possible minute. If you have a partner, find out how much time he or she can take off and consider taking alternating, rather than simultaneous, leave. "Start thinking early and build as much flexibility into the process as possible," Adler says. "Find out what the basics are, but also what happens if your kid is early or late, if can you structure leave differently than a block of time, and so on." Don't forget to include your re-entry into your planning — toward the end of your leave, for example, you may decide to build in one day a week back at the office and gradually increase to full-time. FMLA allows you to take time off in small increments, such as days or even hours, so you can use your remaining leave time to ease your transition back to work.

Break the News Early

Goal: Give your boss and coworkers plenty of time to adjust.

While federal guidelines require that you request leave at least 30 days before you take it, giving your boss as much advance warning as possible reflects well on you and allows you both time to get used to the idea and plan ahead. "Telling early rather than late shows you're a responsible person who's going to make this work," Evans says. "It shows a level of cooperation, that you're not trying to put anything over on them." The unspoken rule of thumb is to wait until the three-month mark in a pregnancy to let the cat out of the bag, says Evans, but anytime thereafter is fair game.

If you're concerned that your boss will be less that thrilled about the news, you can soften the blow by maximizing your value to the company before you reveal your plans, Evans says. "Build up a bank of goodwill before you have your baby, because you will need it," she says. "It's a matter of not only doing your job well, but also tooting your own horn. Talk about all the things you've done that are really valuable, find a reason to ask for an evaluation and get a positive one, do favors for people, and make them think about all the good things you've done." Employers are reluctant to alienate valuable employees, so even if your boss is unsupportive of a pregnancy or adoption, he or she will be less likely to make waves if you're viewed as an essential part of the team.

If you need help figuring out how to break the news, talk with your human-resources representative, chat with co-workers who have been through parental leave already, or visit an online forum such as Babycenter.com's "How To Break the Big News" bulletin board.

Set Up a Transition Plan

Goal: Score points with your colleagues by creating a contingency plan for your absence.

One of the best ways to get your boss and your coworkers in your corner is to collaborate on a strategy for covering your job responsibilities when you're gone. They'll be less likely to carp about your time off and more likely to pitch in if you can demonstrate that you're not simply waltzing out and leaving them in the lurch. "Make it easy by planning out how your work will get done," Adler says. "Figure out a plan and stock up capital with your boss so you can show that you've done X, Y, and Z to take you through your leave." Some options you can explore include moving deadlines up, doubling up on projects, delegating work, hiring temps, or asking several co-workers to cover the various areas of your responsibilities.

However, be careful of going to extremes with extra work ahead of time. "Don't kill yourself! Twelve percent of all babies are born prematurely, so if you're pregnant it's important to rest, eat well, and take care of yourself," Evans warns. "Keep your performance even, cool, and straightforward — don't suddenly go traveling a lot so you don't have to travel after the baby arrives, for example."

Stay Connected — But Not Too Connected

Goal: Remain looped in to the office, but avoid the temptations and pressures to combine work with leave.

When you're out on leave, expect the first few weeks to be overwhelming. But once you're acclimated to your new life, resuming casual contact with your office and coworkers can help keep you tapped in to what's going on. Occasional e-mails or phone calls to say hello or answer a quick work-related question are fine, and dropping by the office with the baby can give you valuable face time. But keep your interactions low-key and focused more on sharing the baby than on talking office plans or politics; your goal is to stay fresh in people's minds without making them think you're available for work. "Don't shortchange yourself on the experience [of becoming a parent]," Adler says. "Some people get freaked out that they'll never get another job or their careers will go down the toilet, but this is a once-in-a-lifetime experience, so milk it for all you can."

In some industries there is intense, although often unspoken, pressure to take short leaves and to continue to work while you're away. Law firms, for example, are notorious for not respecting boundaries between office and home, says Deborah Epstein Henry, founder and president of FlexTime Lawyers LLC. "You're supposed to be away from work and tending to a newborn, but you're responding to Blackberrys all day," she says. "The notion of never being off call is really a heightened problem. There's an expectation that if you're at home, you can get back to people — and should." Those expectations can be even worse for fathers, who haven't gone through the physical demands of having a child even though they're legitimately sharing the duties (and sleep deprivation) of early caregiving.

What to do? Just say no, Evans says. "You won't be getting any sleep or rest, you'll be at low energy — this is not the time to be thinking about your job," she says. "The best advice is to really focus on your baby. The time off is so damned short in the U.S.; it's not like we're being given any gifts. If someone on your work team had a heart attack, they would take six weeks off without being expected to work. That's how [parental leave] should be viewed."

Make a Graceful Re-Entry

Goal: Get back up to speed without crashing and burning.

Getting back to work can be a shock to the system, both physically and emotionally, so it's important to plan this transition well. If possible, use the last weeks of your leave to create a gradual return in which you might work one or two days a week, then slowly ramp up to your old schedule. Establish your childcare arrangements ahead of time and, if possible, simulate what your typical workday would be like by conducting a few practice runs — drop your child off at daycare and use the time to catch up on e-mail or visit the office. Mothers who need to pump breast milk at work should find out when, how, and where they can take the necessary breaks.

Be careful about changing your plans to return at the last minute. While it can be tempting to ask for more time off, "Don't postpone your return to work unless it's necessary," Adler says. "If you said three months and then change it to four, it might not look good." Then again, circumstances can and do change. If you feel you really need more leave, discuss alternatives with your boss, such as telecommuting or working part-time for a few weeks.