How To Space Your Babies
If you're trying to determine when to expand your family, or if you're just in the process of having your first child, it's a good time to evaluate how to space out your childbirths. Diane Debrovner, senior editor of Parents magazine, drops by The Early Show Monday with factors, pros and cons, you should consider.
There is not one official guideline from the medical establishment regarding the best time to expand your family. Parents magazine has covered this topic often and has some good factors to consider.
Debrovner says that, obviously, everyone's life has different issues such as health, finances, etc. But there are some good basic general factors that affect whether you want to have a baby sooner or later.
- Age: If you're in your mid-late 30s, you shouldn't wait too long. Your risk of fertility problems and having a child with birth defects increases.
- Work issues: It may be hard for some women to take two maternity leaves too close together. Some women find they need (or want) to scale back to part time after second child is born.
- Financial issues: Families may need to save up money to afford a larger home, greater child care expenses, etc., as well as long-term saving for college.
- Lifestyle: Determine what kind of lifestyle changes you will have to make.
Below are listed pros and cons of different spacing.
1 to 2 years apart:
- Pros:
- Kids who are closer in age may be closer companions.
- Kids are more likely to share similar interests, making it easier to juggle family schedules.
- You get to deal with diapers, carrying, toilet teaching, sleep deprivation, and child-proofing your home all at once.
- Your first child may have an easier time adjusting because he's more flexible and may not remember what it was like without the baby.
- You get over the hard beginning faster.
Cons:
- Women who conceive less than 18 months after their first child is born have a slightly higher risk of having a premature baby or a low birthweight baby. The increase is even smaller in women getting good prenatal care.
- If you had a c-section with your first child, having a second one before 18 months increases your chance of uterine rupture if you attempt vaginal delivery.
- It's exhausting to take care of two children in diapers, who need to be held and played with most of the time, and can't talk.
- Kids get frustrated when they're not getting attention.
- The demands can take a toll on your marriage because there's little downtime.
- Supplies for two babies can be expensive.
- If you're still breastfeeding your first child, it can be tougher to conceive. If you do get pregnant and decide not to wean, you'll have to make sure you're eating properly. If you have a history of miscarriage or preterm labor, your doctor may recommend against breastfeeding during pregnancy because it causes release of the hormones that can cause contractions. Pregnancy hormones can also reduce your milk supply, and change the taste of your milk-so your child may wean on his own.
Tips:
- Try to let your older child stick to as many routines as possible.
- Be understanding if your older child to regresses a bit (wants bottle again instead of cup, for instance) - and offer as much attention as possible. If someone comes to help out, let that person spend more time with the newborn.
- Try to carve out some time alone with your spouse.
- Pros:
- You'll have had a nice chunk of time to bond with your firstborn, and the firstborn will have had a chance to feel like the baby of the family.
- Older child can bond easily with baby.
- Your older child will be better able to play independently for periods of time, so you can attend to the baby's needs.
- Your child can speak and understand language more, so you can explain to the child what's going on, and talk about how the child is feeling.
- You'll only have one baby in diapers (or two in diapers for a short time).
- No rush to end breastfeeding.
- Lower risk of premature birth, low birthweight baby.
Cons:
- Your older child may be jealous of the new baby ("Can we send her back now?"). Rivalry can also develop when baby gets a little older and gets into older child's toys.
- It may be harder to keep up with your older child's activities, playgroups, etc. The farther apart your kids are, the more difficult it can be for the family to coordinate plans.
Tips:
- Read books about new siblings before baby arrives.
- Be understanding about regression (perhaps not wanting to use potty).
- Encourage older child to help out with baby.
- Indulge older child a little - get him a gift when new baby arrives.
- Add new activities (new gym class, extra hours at day care) a few months before the baby arrives.
- Don't assume older child can get by on less attention. Plan activities that are just for the older child.
- Pros:
- Each child has plenty of time and attention as the only baby.
- You get a big break between babies (and time to catch up on sleep, go out to dinner, etc.)
- Because of difference in age, sibling rivalry is less intense. Older child may assume more of a protective role and younger child looks up to older child.
- Your older child will have school and plenty of interests to keep busy.
Cons:
- Older child is used to having all the attention; sharing the spotlight can take some adjustment.
- Kids spaced far apart are less likely to be close buddies.
- After several years being out of baby mode, you can have a hard time getting back into it. You may forget how tiring it is.
- Kids don't share same interests, so coordinating family time and activities is a challenge.
- Long gaps between pregnancies may increase risk of certain complications in mother -- high blood pressure during pregnancy (preeclampsia) and third-trimester bleeding - as well as slight increased risk of preterm birth and low birthweight.
Tips:
- Try to give as much attention to older child as possible. Try not to disrupt routine.
- Involve older child in caring for baby.
- Expect some regression - clinginess, whining.
- Respect age difference; don't always play baby music in the car.