Leadership

Got Stage Fright? You're Not Alone

By Steve Tobak

Updated on: September 1, 2011 / 8:06 PM EDT / MoneyWatch

My wife just found out she's going to be interviewed by a New York Times reporter tomorrow. First words out of her mouth, "That's scary!" She's obviously not accustomed to being in the limelight. As I write, a PR person is briefing her.

I'm enjoying this immensely. You see, this woman has seen me interviewed literally thousands of times over the years, including live, nationwide cable news programs and the like.

Not once did she say, "Wow Steve, this must be scary for you. Don't worry sweetheart, you'll do great. And if you screw up, lose your job, and we default on our mortgage, I'll still love you."

But seriously, I always knew that was true; she didn't have to say it. Neither of us is very materialistic, probably because we both grew up with nothing.

But the point is that the limelight, spotlight, whatever you want to call being the center of attention, can be scary. I've seen high-powered executives turn to jelly in front of a TV camera, a press conference, or a ballroom full of people. For others, it's a walk in the park.

It obviously helps if you've done it a few times, but you know, some people never get over their stage fright. And while the fear of public speaking is well documented as people's number one fear, what's not so well known is that most people react exactly the same way in pretty much any kind of spotlight, so to speak.

I can still remember how it felt when the PR guy burst into the room and exclaimed, "We got you on CNBC tomorrow morning!" Unlike my wife, my first reaction was, "Wow, that's fantastic; great job!" At that point in my career, it was automatic. I couldn't very well let a room full of people see the big executive sweat it.

As good news - bad news scenarios go, if the limelight scares you, finding out you're about to be in it definitely tops the list. In fact, the two most counterintuitive, ironic, things about being afraid of the limelight are:

The more successful and accomplished you are, the more likely you are to be irrationally terrified of screwing up in public.
The embarrassment, the feeling of isolation with a problem that probably affects half your peers, except nobody's talking.

Well, I guess that's not exactly true. I'm talking. And I can remember a number of times when other accomplished executives were talking, as well:

One particular experience at an executive conference sticks with me. While a senior Microsoft executive and I sat in the audience, sharing techniques for calming our own nerves, we watched the president of Toshiba present. He was so clearly terrified that his hands were shaking as they gripped the podium.
Just before our IPO due-diligence meeting with a room full of analysts and attorneys, I remember one of my CEOs telling me and the rest of his staff that he never presents with a laser pointer because then "they can really see your hand shake."

It's truly sad how many people suffer alone with this debilitating problem without seeking help. As for me, I've always been pretty open about it, and I think that made all the difference in helping me to overcome it.

Not only did I manage to navigate a long, successful career that included far more than my fair share of limelight without anybody noticing it bothered me, I'm actually known for being a relatively dynamic speaker and storyteller. But the truth is that, after a major event, I always felt like I just pulled off a minor miracle.

Maybe that's the saddest thing about people who are afraid of the limelight. Life is so short and our careers are even shorter, it's sad to think that some of us don't really get to enjoy what should be among the most thrilling events in our lives.

Hopefully, this story will inspire people to get some help. Here's a laundry-list of helpful, related posts:

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