Executive Travel Horror Stories

If you watch enough TV, it's easy to get a distorted image of corporate travel: suave executives sipping expensive champagne served up by smiling hostesses in a lavishly upholstered corporate jet, then getting whisked away from a private runway in a stretch limo.

Maybe if you're CEO of GE or GM, but for the rest of us, nothing could be further from the truth. Millions of business folks travel every day, and trust me, their feet touch the ground just like yours do. I flew over two million miles in 12 years as a tech industry executive, meeting with customers from Beijing to Istanbul and from Santiago to Helsinki. Trust me, it wasn't anything like you imagine.

The good news is I got to keep the frequent flyer miles; the bad news is I can no longer stand to travel. And I've got stories from the road you won't believe. Here are just a few from Asia:

A taxi ride to the airport in Seoul, reading a newspaper story about South Korea having the highest per capita death rate of alcohol-related car accidents, when the driver dozes off at the wheel on the highway. He doesn't speak English, so my associate and I take turns whacking him on the head when he dozes off. We really thought we were going to die.

Maybe you've heard about this sort of thing, but it's for real: having to eat fish - not raw, but ALIVE - in Japan. That's right, they consider it very fresh. Squid and lobster; the lobster was trying to get away. Also trying to politely chew raw horsemeat without choking. No, you don't have to do it, but it is a good idea.
On a flight from Hong Kong to Taipei, some idiot bank executive gets off the plane with my carryon bag. So I grab his (yes, they were identical), and then wait for everyone to clear customs to find out where he's staying (it's on the customs form). We finally track him down at his hotel and exchange bags. I get to bed around 3 am for a 7 am wakeup call.

After a late, late night of karaoke and partying with customers in Tokyo, waking up to a 6 am conference call with the U.S. The time zone difference is a killer, and business doesn't stop just because you're on the road.

I've given so many presentations while soaking wet I reflexively shiver just thinking about it:

• Packed like sardines onto a train during Monsoon season in Tokyo - 98 percent humidity and 90 degrees. Literally drenched in sweat during an entire executive-level meeting at Toshiba headquarters.
• Walked from the train station to a meeting with Sony in a torrential downpour (forgot our umbrellas). Completely soaked through - even my shoes - during the entire meeting.
• From the sweltering, humid air of summer in Southeast Asia into air conditioned meetings, six meetings in a day, sweating like a pig. When I asked one customer's assistant for water, she brought me water -- hot water. No kidding.

Okay, so let's hear your horror (or entertaining) stories from the road.

[image courtesy of maniacworld.com]