Debate-O-Rama

The vice presidential debate is a good start to a great idea.

Tonight's sound-bite-athon between vice wannabes Lieberman and Cheney did not tell us a hell of a lot about whether "W" or "The Candidatron Formally Known as Al Gore" would be the better leader of the Free World. But it did give people plenty of perfectly good material they can use to decide whether they prefer to have Lieberman or Cheney on their TV sets for the next four years. And that's a good thing.

So why not have more of a good thing?

Why not have the first lady candidates debate? After all, we're going to be subjected to their pet causes and talk show interviews for at least four years. We're going to see books by their dogs or cats on the bestseller lists. We're going to have to watch them wave and blow their hubbies kisses during State of the Union addresses. Oprah or Regis or Sally Jesse could moderate.

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Reality Check

The most important debate could be between the campaigns' designated Cabinet Appointee Controversy Activist (CACA). Every new president has a CACA, a cabinet appointee who has some skeleton or ersatz skeleton in his background that makes a scandal for a few weeks, and then who doesn't get confirmed. Bush the Elder had John Tower. Clinton had Zoe Baird, among others. It's a time-honored political rite of passage.

The candidates would be doing a public service by announcing right here and now who the CACA of their transition would be. Gore, for example, could promise to appoint John Huang as commerce secretary. Bush could appoint Charlton Heston as attorney general. Then the two could debate.

A cataclysmic clash like this deserves a panel of moderators. The choices are clear: Webb Hubbell, Bert Lance and John Sununu. The venue should be the Palm Restaurant in Washington. Possible questions: "Will you commit to allowing camera crews in for photo-ops of your plaintive visits to every senator on the confirmation committee?" "Will you commit to doing all three Sunday talk shows in one day?" "Will you promise to attempt to cash in on the debacle after you withdraw your name from consideration?"

Even Fox would carry that.

If the idea catches, campaigns could appoint teams of advisers and aides to deate periodically throughout campaigns. Citizen participation is the key here, and Hollywood Squares is the obvious format. "Real people" ask the questions and get cash prizes. "Bob Rubin to block, please." "I'll go with Condoleeza Rice to win!"

Tonight's festivities proved just how worthwhile more debates would be. For example, when Lieberman predictably got off some his patented one-liners, Cheney had an obvious response. "Senator, I know Rodney Dangerfield. Rodney Dangerfield is a friend of mine. And Senator, you are no Rodney Dangerfield." But he restrained himself.

In truth, both Cheney and Lieberman restrained themselves from using many of the ploys that have made recent debates so plastic and irritating. They were not simply sound bite generating robots. They didn't tell the stories of "real people" in the audience. They didn't interrupt and speak in pedantic cadences that only high school principals use. They were as plainspoken as modern American politicians get.

All told, it was a good advertisement for more debates.