Dealing With Break-Ups

From time to time, everyone needs a little guidance. So, in a series called "Sticky Situations," The Early Show will take questions from viewers and have advice columnists provide some answers.

Joining the first installment of the series is New York Daily News writer Harriette Cole.

In giving advice, Cole researches her answers, whenever applicable, because she approaches questions with compassion. She agrees that advice columnists are to some extent interpreters of social customs and manners, and that as times change, so do our customs.

The first "sticky situation" comes from a male student at the Fashion Institute of Technology in New York City. He asks:

Is it OK to break up via Email or by leaving a message on an answering machine?

Cole says no. She says to break up in such a way is insensitive and cowardly. Cole believes that beginnings and endings are important and that people must respect each other and afford each other this courtesy.

A person should be concerned about not damaging another's self esteem. She says that if you haven't dated long, it might be possible to do it on the phone, but you can't just leave a message. Not calling at all is the worst because then there is an element of not knowing, and the person might even wonder if you're well.

The second "sticky situation" comes from a woman who asks:

"I'm wondering what is the best way to tell a friend that you don't have room for her in your wedding."

Cole says that the whole trick to defusing this situation is to handle it immediately and directly. You can't put off telling the person that there is no room for her. It's much better that she hears it from you, rather than from others. You have to be very direct and honest. (Hopefully she isn't the only one of your friends who isn't invited. If she is, then you might want to ask yourself if this friend really fits into your life.)

If it's a small wedding, she'll understand, but Cole says don't create excuses. Also don't talk about your wedding all the time with your friends if some aren't invited, because it's sure to make the matter worse.

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