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"Dancing with the Stars": Hines Ward steals the show

Hines Ward and Kym Johnson perform on "Dancing with the Stars," March 28, 2011. ABC

(CBS) When the National Enquirer reveals that the fans of Kirstie Alley and Kendra Wilkinson are attempting to hijack the voting process by utilizing their huge fan following, it tends to yellow the eyes.

So, in the second week of "Dancing with the Stars" could those - like Alley - who stunned last week, mesmerize again so that conspiracy theories could be laid to rest?

Last night offered the first dangers of elimination. It also offered the prospect of those who might be carrying the weight of expectations - or simply the weight of a thousands parties - might not keep up with the jive and the quickstep.

Here they were, in order of appearance:

Pictures: "Dancing with the Stars" Season 12

1. Sugar Ray Leonard might not have too much meat in his punch any more, but, when it comes to dancing, he is not short of ham. He managed more facial gestures than a clown with an acid problem. This somewhat made up for his occasionally marionettish arms and legs.

But even the kindest of the judges, Carrie-Ann Inaba, found herself drawn to the adjective "spastic."

2. "I'm not a lady", said Kendra Wilkinson, she who used to be a Playboy lady. Indeed, she admitted that during rehearsals her legs needed pruning. And, oh, the armpits weren't quite fragrantly Chanel. "How did you even get in there?" her partner, Louis Van Amstel asked her, referring to the Playboy Mansion. With a stunning inevitability, Wilkinson pointed to her chest.

However, when it comes to the quickstep, the chest needs to be firmly planted into her partner's, while her lower half needs to be smoother than Hugh Hefner's tongue.

Wilkinson worked hard to keep up with Van Amstel, though she wasn't prepared to stretch her legs and her arms out towards, well, lady-likeness. Still, her courage (and her fans) should see her through.

3. Disney heroine Chelsea Kane looked like she had escaped from a toy store and was on the run with a castoff from "Clockwork Orange". Her jive with partner Mark Ballas was brimming with energy and stunningly original.

This, regretfully, put them in the doghouse with the judges, whose combined age isn't all that far off 200. Kane and Ballas's dance was, to these alleged aficionados, not so jiveish. It was, however, hugely entertaining, vastly inspiring and entirely fresh.

4. Wrestler Chris Jericho's quickstep was as traditional as Kane's jive was not. And yet it, too, was both entertaining and successful.

For a large, often badly-dressed man, Jericho managed to deliver fleetness of foot that was a Preakness of Foot. He was able to glide across the floor, keep his shoulders in plane, stretch his legs at the right moment and smile - a mental combination that not too many wrestlers could remember, never mind execute.

It seems that his professional partner, Cheryl Burke, has tamed him into submission. She has done it before with Drew Lachey and Emmitt Smith. So, to her, Jericho is just another industrial town, just another ring, just another bout.

5. Petra Nemcova is a supermodel who needed a trampoline to help her perform some of the tricks in her jive. Once her partner, Dmitri Chaplin, had removed half her clothes, leaving her in a couple of rags that very few of the contestants would have carried off, she tried her best to dance au naturel. But fluidity is not her friend.

6. The most anticipated dancer of the night was Kirstie Alley. Could she repeat her conquering of the cha-cha with a quelling of the quickstep? In rehearsals, her partner, Makskim Chmerkovsiy, explained her problem: "Your quicks have to be quicker."

Alley explained that she has to reach the finals in order to reach her goal of losing 40 pounds (or even 80), as she's losing five pounds a week.

She couldn't resist peeking down at her feet all through the dance, just to check that they really were still there, still moving. She wasn't quite as winning as last week, once stumbling in her enthusiasm to get to where she wanted to step. But, even though her heart couldn't quite pump quite enough blood to her lower parts, she still offered hope to add to her fans' expectations.

7. Radio personality Mike Catherwood has perhaps the most energetically alluring partner in the extraordinary Lacey Schwimmer. Sometimes, Schwimmer tries to hide her partner's deficiencies by doing most of the dancing herself, leaving her partner resembling an ornament rather than an integral part.

Here, she tried a little of that, as Catherwood's pigeon-toed plodding was to elegance what Britney Spears is to golf. Catherwood tried, his co-host Dr. Drew Pinsky applauded, and the judges offered hope. There is little.

8. Master P Jr., aka Romeo, claimed he had no idea what charm meant because he was born in the 90s, not the 1900s. So at least he is in touch with himself.

Romeo was, as it happens, perfectly charming, though at times he looked like a sprinter warming up for the 100 meters, rather than someone attempting the quickstep. Just occasionally, his legs were as in time with the music as a metronome soaked in brandy. The judges, though, indulged him. Head judge Len Goodman called it the best dance of the night. No wonder they're rioting in Goodman's native Britain.

9. Wendy Williams is worried about her breasts. "They're good and I want to keep them that way," she said, fearing perhaps that a little too much jigging would cause them to resemble, who knows, Graf Zeppelins.

Her partner, the unreasonably patient Tony Dovolani, encouraged her not to lose her courage. Williams was unquestionably better than the Statue of Captivity she offered last week. She showed more of what they call personality. Please translate that as teeth, open mouth, large eyes and theatrical gestures. Her dancing still leaves a lot to be desired. Like, for example, movement. Williams explained it thus: "It's illegal for anyone over 40 to be dancing that hard."

10. Last week's biggest surprise was "Karate Kid" actor Ralph Macchio. This week, he brought his two teenage children in to critique his rehearsals. Even they seem to like this ridiculously likeable character.

Macchio moves with such confidence that he doesn't look down. He focuses on his partner, as if they are playing a scene and they have to deliver a combined effect. His jive delivered the story. It was the story of two frenzied kids out on the town, gearing themselves up to eat a burger.

He did strain to lift his knees to hip level, however. Did I mention he has teenage kids?

11. Pittsburgh Steeler Hines Ward is another whose likeability factor seems to drive his routine. Moreover, his partner, Kym Johnson, is a veteran of this show both here and in her native Australia.

She even brought what good there was out of Dallas Mavericks owner Mark Cuban. So with Ward, a far more natural mover, she was a swift one-woman correctional facility for his posture.

This was rare grace for a second week performance. Ward is far more natural and pleasing on the dance floor than, say, Adam "Pacman" Jones. Spray him with champagne and dollar bills, I say.

THE TOP THREE: Hines Ward, Chelsea Kane, Ralph Macchio

THE BOTTOM THREE: Mike Catherwood, Sugar Ray Leonard, Petra Nemcova

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