Better Or Worse: Divorce??

Tim and Stephanie Farrell are one of the two sad statistics of this story. They talked to 48 Hours about their decision and its aftermath.

Tim: The night of our fourth wedding anniversary, we came back home and she said there were problems and that she wanted to talk and that's when sorta everything evolved from there.

Stephanie: We went out for a nice dinner and we had nothing to talk about. We were taking care of two kids and we had just drifted so far apart and there I sat thinking I can't live my whole life like this.

Stephanie moved out, leaving Tim everything, including their two small children. She says deciding to leave her kids was the toughest decision she ever made. She is not sure today that she would make the same decision. "I truly believe if we would have the time to have our engagement as long as it was supposed to be, I think that we would have both realized that we didn't have enough in common to be together," she says.

Their marriage was officially dissolved in November 1998.

They agreed to be interviewed together for the story. Although they were clearly uncomfortable together, they were surprisingly candid.

Stephanie: We're two good people, but we just don't work together as a couple. I don't think we make each other feel good when we're together.

Tim: I was tired of fighting with her and the way the last couple of years had gone or the year before that, it had been really devastating to both of us.

Bill Lagattuta: Before it was all final though, you're thinking 'I guess if we hang in long enough we can make it work?'

Tim: I thought if we did something about it. But we weren't doing anything about it.

Stephanie: Tim didn't hear me that I was unhappy until the very last time. And at that very last time, my mind was made up.

The couple realized it wasn't just Tim's family or their lack of communication. They had very different visions of the future.

Bill Lagattuta: If you had an ideal kind of life, what would it be?

Tim: Simple. Just watching my kids grow up and being there, as often as I can. Every minute if possible. And just being able to see them become a combination of us.

Bill Lagattuta: What would your ideal vision of life be?

Stephanie: I'm sitting here thinking it's a good thing we're not together anymore because I want a demanding career. I like to go places, see things. I want to be an example to my children, especially my daughter.

She believes she made the right decision about her marriage, but that hasn't made her an advocate of divorce.

Stephanie: People were telling me 'You'll get married again and you'll know for sure this time it's right.' And I would just think to myself "I thought I was right the first time" You don't get married thinking you're gonna get divorced. Divorce is just such a bad thing. I'm pretty anti-divorce now. I don't recommend it to people; it's hard.

Today, Stephanie works as a business analyst and gets to see the children every week. Tim is a personal trainer and has physical custody of the kids. Stephanie pays him child support.

After dating someone for two years. Stephanie Morgan remarried in July and says she is looking forward to a long, happy marriage this time around…

Tim: As a guy I'm very versatile. I can do everything from ironing Ryan's shirt in the morning to taking care of the bills or taking care of problems.

Stephanie: Tim likes to go on about what he's so good at. But you weren't so good at keeping your wife happy.

Tim: Well that's because we had our differences

Stephanie: But you did everything right.

Tim: The kids are happy and that's what I worry about now.

Bill Lagattuta: I asked you in the beginning how you felt about being here now that 45 minutes have passed or an hour, how do you feel? Any differently?

Tim: I feel angry.

Stephanie: I don't like him.

Tim: We've made our decisions and now we'll move on. And she's gonna do her thing and I'll do mine. And we'll meet in the middle when we get together with the kids.

Aug. 2002 Update: Another Breakup

48 hours first visited these three couples last summer, so interviewers expected this summer to find the same two happily married couples. But Anthony and Loni Labrocca, who seemed to have put some rough times behind them, divorced after 7 ½ years of marriage.

Loni says she was tired of fighting an uphill battle. "Marriage and being married to somebody that you love shouldn't hurt you on a regular basis. It shouldn't wipe you out, and when it does, that's when it's hard."

She wouldn't be specific about the cause of the divorce and Anthony, who did not want to speak on camera, denied his past drug use played any part.

"I wish things would have turned out differently. I wish we both could have stayed on the same path and grown together instead of apart," Loni says.

Although Loni knows she made the right decision, starting over hasn't been easy. "As nuts as he made me, and as angry as he could make me, he could always make me laugh," she says. "It's sad to me that we aren't married any more that he's not involved in my life on a very regular basis any more."

WORDS OF WISDOM

Bill Lagattuta: So is this a marriage of equals or are you in charge of the house?

Peter: No I think it's a marriage of equals. No doubt about it.

Kari: We share a lot of things, but I like to take the secondary role. I feel he should be the head of the household, and I like that.

Bill Lagattuta: I can just hear the feminists out there throwing up their hands and saying "she's subservient. This is not the way it's supposed to be in the year 2001."

Kari: Gosh, wht I would say to them is let's compare marriages.

Bill Lagattuta: Where do you think you'll be 7 years from now?

Peter: You come back. You come back in seven years, you have an open invitation.

Bill Lagattuta: Will you be as happy seven years from now as you tell me you are now?

Kari: No, I'll be happier.

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