Are You A Good Neighbor?

Forget about keeping up with the Joneses; just try to get along with them. Whether you like it or not, how you get along with your neighbors plays a large role in the peace you will find at home.

So getting to know your neighbors and being a good neighbor are very important. Betty Wong, the executive editor of Family Circle magazine, visits The Early Show to offer the following tips on how to deal with likeable or not-so-likeable neighbors.

Establish Good Will - You need to develop some sort of polite relationship with your neighbors. You certainly don't need to be best friends, but it'll be much easier to deal with any problems that might arise later, or to call on your neighbors for an occasional favor, if you're at least on cordial terms. You should know each other's names, greet each other in the mornings. Establishing that good will early on really goes a long way in preventing arguments and problems later.

Find Common Ground - If your neighbors haven't come over to welcome you yet, don't assume they're being unfriendly. They might worry about bothering you when you're busy unpacking and settling in. Don't be afraid to stop by and introduce yourself. To make it easier, try to find some common ground to chat about. Maybe you both have young kids and you can ask about the schools in your area, or maybe you love what your neighbor has done with the garden, and you want to plant something similar in your front yard.

I think that if more of us took time to be nice neighbors, we'd probably find that others would be considerate in return.

Communicate - It may seem hard to believe, but often neighbors aren't aware that their behavior could possibly bother anyone else. And once they find out, they're happy to fix it.

• Loud Music: You could use the "it's-not-you-it's-me" strategy, and explain how you're a light sleeper or you suffer from migraines, so could he help out by keeping his music down?

  Assuming that everyone involved is reasonable and sane, simply approaching your neighbor and coming up with a resolution that works for everyone can solve most problems like this. Maybe your neighbor can limit the loud music to certain hours of the day, like when you're out at work, but keep it down after dinner and in the mornings. A pleasant conversation is often enough to clear up any problem.

• Offensive Smells: You have every right to enjoy living in your apartment without having to deal with unpleasant smells. But your neighbors also have the right to cook whatever cuisine they like in their home. Try to keep in mind that your neighbors aren't doing this to annoy you. If you work up the nerve to say something to your neighbor, start with something like, "I'm sure you probably don't realize it, but…" Then offer a specific solution that you can both live with. Maybe your neighbor could open the windows or use an exhaust fan in the kitchen to vent out some of the cooking fumes. Be sure to make it a two-way conversation; ask if you're causing any problems for her.

Lobbying to restrict how your neighbors express themselves could come back to bite you. You don't want your neighbors to turn things around on you next, and try to get rid of something on your property that you love. Maybe your neighbor thinks the wildflowers growing in your front yard are messy. Remember, beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

Watch Out For Gossip - What goes around, comes around. So if you live in a tight-knit community, it's probably smart to refrain from too much gossip. Think about it: if your neighbor is gossiping with you about someone else, chances are she's talking about you behind your back to other neighbors. Try to find some other neutral topic to talk about, like remodeling, gardening, or your kids.

Know How To Handle Nosy Neighbors - Sometimes what you may think is nosy behavior really isn't. Your neighbor might just be lonely and doesn't realize he or she's prying. Or your neighbors might be asking about how much you paid for your new car or your kitchen renovation because they are thinking about upgrading, too. Try to be patient and share only what you feel comfortable telling. If you're evasive with your answers, hopefully your neighbors will take the hint that you're not comfortable with their questions.

Ask Before Letting Your Pet Run Free - It depends on where you live and how well behaved the pet is. It can be fine as long as the neighbors don't mind. So you should ask first. For instance, if your neighbors have small children who like to play outside, they may not feel comfortable with having a large animal wandering over to their yard. If your dog is the type to get into trouble and destroys your neighbor's flowerbed, then it's probably not OK.

Keep Visits Short - Unless it's a formal invitation to come over for lunch or coffee, you don't need to bring anything when you stop by. If you have to stop by unannounced, to borrow something or ask a question, try to keep the visit short - about 5 or 10 minutes - so you're not imposing on other people's plans.

If Nothing Works - If you just can't seem to agree with a neighbor, even after you've talked it over, mediation can be a good solution. Mediators are third-party experts who try to create win-win solutions to conflicts by remaining neutral. They would meet with both you and your neighbors to try to come up with a resolution that satisfies everyone.

The process and the decisions made in mediation are completely voluntary, but it's helpful in uncovering deeper issues that underlie the problem or when emotions are tense. You can find a mediator by checking the Yellow Pages. And the fees are pretty reasonable: About $35 for the mediator to contact the second party and an additional $25 if mediation comes to the table.