Leadership

And the Winner of the Corporate Speak Award Is...

By Ken Deeks

Updated on: July 9, 2009 / 8:36 AM EDT / MoneyWatch

I need to get in contact with the spokeswoman for a restaurant group I recently read about in the press. As of today she is the proud new owner of my Corporate Speak Award.

The CSA is granted to anyone who can:

Sound very important.
Use big words...
And put these two together so that you end up with something that is totally and utterly baffling.

Most important, Corporate Speak itself must leave the reader/listener initially impressed. The complete bewilderment has to come later when the reader/listener actually dissects the words used.

So, how did our winner come to achieve this particular award?

Commenting in a newspaper article about how the recent closure of one of the group's restaurants our winner said: " As the economic environment evolves we would certainly reconsider re-entering the market with our Chili's Bar & Grill. We are continually seeking franchise and joint venture partners who share our vision for making Brinker the globally dominant casual dining restaurant portfolio company."

Doesn't that sound impressive?

But it's actually complete load of waffle. The use of 'evolve' appears to mean 'improve' and 'reconsidering' could surely just be 'considering'.

But it's the last bit that wins it. Just what is a "globally dominant casual dining restaurant portfolio company." Oh, I see -- a restaurant business.

Would anyone entering into a joint venture refer to its potential partner in such a way? I doubt it.

Then there's this: " Brinker International has voluntarily offered to compensate employees for hours worked until the restaurant closure date to the extent those hours exceed the government compensation, which is over and above what is required by redundancy."

I have now read this 26 times and I still don't understand it. I think she is saying that they will pay people for the work they've already done. I'm no HR expert but I think that's the law.

This is not the only example of corporate speak gone awry. How about in your industry: do you have any nominations for this prestigious award? Or a defence for this kind of language?