A Lesson To Live By

As challenging as it is for Steve Hartman to go to random places like Bismarck, N.D., take one stab at a name in the phone book and find someone with a story, the tougher task belongs to people like Gregg Schmidt, who have never really shared their stories with anyone else.

"I wonder," says Schmidt, a high school teacher, " will the kids look at me a little differently? Will the teachers look at me and wonder, what's going on? They think they know me, but nobody really knows me. They really don't know who I am."

What they do know is that Gregg is 27 and married to his high school sweetheart, Cloris. They went to college together, where she became a registered nurse and he became a history and sociology teacher.

What they don't know is that, starting back when he was his students' age, Gregg began having symptoms of panic attacks.

"My legs would shake where you could hardly stand," says Gregg.

"He had such horrible chest pain, almost felt like a heart attack," adds Cloris. "And he had trouble breathing."

"It feels like you're dying," says Gregg.

But doctors found nothing physically wrong with him.

Although Gregg had no idea at the time, he was suffering from a disabling mental condition called panic disorder. In addition to the symptoms he described, people who have this often develop fears or phobias. If they have a panic attack while they're in a movie theater or a restaurant, they might start avoiding those places, thinking the actual place is triggering the attack - or, as in Gregg's case - that a person is to blame.

"I keep thinking," says Gregg, "I'm having it when I'm around her – It's gotta be her."

Just imagine: The person you love most all of a sudden can't handle the sight of you.

"He was my best friend, and I wanted to help him, but I didn't know how,"
says Cloris, crying.

Two and a half million Americans are tortured by panic disorder. Gregg says he'd still be one of them if not for an incredibly patient girlfriend and psychiatric treatment. For him, medicine and counseling worked wonders – which is why he chose to tell this story in the first place.

"I want people to be more open-minded, I guess," he says. "And don't be bull-headed if you have a problem. You think you're going to do it on your own, and you end up like me in a shower, sitting there, wondering, 'I wonder if I should still be here. Maybe it would be easier if I just checked out.' And boy, don't let yourself get like that."

It's a lesson that you can literally live by.