A Fan In Need
The e-mail was from Mr. Pulojo Ohis from the African nation of Cote d'Ivoire. Aside from being a Wuebb-Log fan, Pulojo is in quite a financial pickle and needs my help. Here is his e-mail and my response:
Dear Respectfully,
Greetings to you in the name of our heavenly God.
I am Pulojo Ohis, the only son of my late father ... who was poisoned by my step mother, since the death of my father i have suffered in the hands of my step mother, she took all my traveling documents and stopped me from going back to school, and have even tried to take my life, as she is now married to her lover, right now i am living in hell with her ...
Greetings Mr. Ohis, and thanks for writing. How did you hear about me? My work must've really moved you for you to open up to me like this. I'm truly flattered. I have dealt with a similar family upheaval once. When I was 5, my mother backed over my dad's golf clubs in the driveway after he refused to come home from a gentlemen's club. Now that was hell. She claims it was an accident but we all suspect foul play.
Before the death of my father on December 29/12/2006, he made knowed to me of some funds he has deposited ...
I wish to request for your assistance in helping me seek for admission in a university in your country and helping me investing this sum in lucrative venture in your country. My father left for me six million, Seven hundred thousand United State Dollars ...
Pulojo, I know of several technical institutes that are looking for students. Or are you more interested in paralegal work? I could try to pull some strings at some local private institutions and get you a spot in one of their five-week intensive courses.
As for investment options, most states here offer opportunities to make huge returns on a very small investment. I once made $200 from an initial investment of just $2 in an Instant Scratch-Off Bingo card.
Much of my fortune is now tied up in a pyramid venture capital strategy. I should see a three-fold return in the next month or so. If we can free up your funds soon, I might be able to get you in on the ground floor.
I am in a sincere desire of your humble assistance in this regards. Your suggestions and ideas will be highly regarded. Now permit me to ask these few questions:
1. Can you honestly help me from your heart?
2. Can I completely trust you?
3. What percentage of the total amount in question will be good for you after the money is in your account?
Pulojo, I've only just met you and yet I feel that I've known you for years. Of course you can trust me. The stories you've shared have touched me. I don't think I've ever felt this way about a complete (and grammatically challenged) stranger who's sent me an e-mail from half way around the world. This is all moving so fast. You're asking me to share an important part of your life — your money. I don't know what to say, except I'd like half.
But Pulojo, this is a great burden you've asked me to carry and I don't think I should bear it alone. I implore you, share your story with others. Send out your e-mail to the world! Perhaps other intelligent, sensitive people like me will take pity on your dire situation and offer their assistance, too. The reward you offer is truly too good to be true.
Mike Wuebben has written several non-published works, including angry e-mails to former girlfriends and at least three book reports on the Judy Blume classic, "Tales of a Fourth-Grade Nothing." Prior to that, he couldn't read or write.