Pushing The Panic Button

By: Jason Parker

For the past two weeks, I have been a good boy and kept my mouth shut, trying not to gloat over the fact that my alma mater was sitting pretty over its two rivals. Mostly, the fact that we had a coach put us ahead of the competition. But now, with everyone set on who will lead their teams, I guess it's safe to give my two cents on the three events of the last week.

First, the resignation of Urban Meyer sent many, including myself, into a cautious mode. As we have seen this story before, no one believed he was ACTUALLY going to leave the Gator "Nation" after their disappointing 7-5 season. Now, I had initially planned on being harsh toward Meyer, but the details coming out that the move might have some health reasons is causing me to be a little tamer. So instead, I will send him off with this goodbye: Congrats, Urban…you are the Dennis Erickson of the Florida football program: you won one national title with a great team you built, you won another with someone else's squad, felt short by a game another season, and the rest of the time was just an also ran that in 20 years will not be the first name mentioned when people speak about who the Gators have had as their ball coaches. I will also say this…if you go to the Broncos in the offseason, you could possibly eclipse Nick Saban as the most evil human there is.

So who replaces Saint Urban in Gainesville? Why, it's former Texas defensive coordinator Will Muschamp, of course! What, you didn't see that coming, the defensive leader of a team that finished under .500 last year, and is an alum of the University of Georgia? Yeah, me either. What's puzzling to me with this hire is that the Gators defense wasn't the problem in 2010. Hell, you can praise them for keeping Florida from finishing the year with a losing record. The help needs to go with the anemic offense. Deciding on one quarterback should help, but Muschamp doesn't know a thing about that…which brings up the most important question: Who does he bring in to run the show? Some are saying Major Applewhite, the former Rudy-esque quarterback at Texas now at Alabama, but I still stand by Greg Davis, the now former OC for the Longhorns. Davis took the bullet for last season's performance, resigning after the final game. Will can bring him in, give him the keys to the show, and allow him to mold the pro style offense around John Brantley…who was a Texas commit until a week before signing day out of high school. You couldn't make this stuff up!

Now, down the road in Coral Gables, everything apparently is "Golden"…Al Golden, that is. That's right, the school that loves to brag about being the "sexiest" job in college sports (maybe 15 years ago) settled for the coach at Temple…Temple…no matter how many times I write that, it just seems weird. And no, I do not believe athletic director Kirby Hocutt when he says that Golden was "the only choice we wanted". To me, this seems like a panic button move by the 'Canes in response to the quick hire by the Gators. Miami officials saw that they were losing ground to Florida State, who quickly emerged as the only stable program in the state, and even falling behind Florida, who made their move in just three days. Instead of finding the best coach, they went for the first warm body that could quickly bring his "talents" to the 305. That being said, I still think it's hilarious for Miami fans to wonder out loud why Jon Gruden and other big names wouldn't want to lead "The U". Here's a news flash: you are not the same Miami program you were even a decade ago. It's a good job, yes…but it's not one of the elite jobs at the moment, like an Alabama, Oregon, or Ohio State. I'll be the first one to admit, had FSU not had a coach already in waiting, we would have been in the same boat, so I'm not making it personal. But you can't keep holding on to the past as a justification for why you are still a top flight team. If just winning national titles was the reason, then Minnesota and Pittsburgh would be upper level jobs.

Now, leaving the world of college football for a moment….

- As if you needed another reason to hate the Jets, what kind of an idiot coach sticks his knee out, injuring a player? I don't just care that it was against my beloved Dolphins…that was just stupidity.

- Explain this to me…we go to New York, beat the airplanes and make Mark Sanchez look like crap…and we lost to the Browns the week before? Being a Dolphins fan is starting to give me a headache.

- I dislike the diva-like antics of the man, but even I have to give Brett Favre some props. The streak of consecutive starts ends at 297…September of 1992 was the last time he didn't take the first snap. I was 9…now I feel old.

- The Phillies are offering a promotion to fans in 2011: you can be the 5th starter for the team at games this year. With the addition of Cliff Lee, a rotation of Lee, Roy Halladay, Roy Oswalt and Cole Hamels doesn't actually need number five. Boy, they must have taken that NLCS loss hard to do this. I will say, as a die hard Yankees fan, I wanted Lee BAD. I'm not like idiot fans of other teams (Boston, Tampa Bay, LA, etc.) who always use the patented "We didn't want him anyway" when they don't get their players. With Lee, it doesn't seem like it's about the money…if so he'd be in pinstripes or still in Texas now. Reports say he has a son who has some health issues, and Philadelphia is known to have some of the best pediatric care hospitals in the nation. If that's the case, and I believe it is, then kudos to Lee for thinking of his family. Just be gentle when you play the Yankees in the World Series this year.

- Mazel Tov to the Miami Heat…you've won nine games in a row…against teams you are supposed to beat. The same way I said don't panic when you were losing, don't exactly prepare for the NBA Finals just yet. Only two of those teams (Atlanta and Utah) are decent teams. You're beating who you are supposed to…finally.