SIGGIE COHEN:
00:00:46
Yes, very true. To really be aware of who you are, one of my principles is look inward. Notice your own emotions. Manage your own emotions before you react. Don't pull things out just from your sleeve, in the moment. Think bigger. Think ahead. It's not a crisis each and every moment, even though children are intense. You want to stay grounded and confident. Can you explain when you say there's a balance between strict parenting and overparenting? What do you mean?
SIGGIE COHEN:
00:01:17
Right. So strict parenting used to be, I'm the parent. You do as I say because I said so. Right? Your thoughts, feelings don't actually matter. You need to function. Then we went all the way, as I call it-- the pendulum that swung to parents today almost pleading with their children, Is it OK that I'm the parent and tell you what to do? and put children in charge way before they're capable of doing so. They don't understand their own life. They are so much in the moment. They don't see the big picture. And what I say is bring it back to you're the parent with confidence and trust-- not because I said so, but because it's the right thing to do. I love that line in the book. Because I swore I would never be Peggy King-- because I said so. And the words "because I said so" came out many times. But I love the line. Don't you guys? "It's the right thing to do." But what I liked about your book so much is that you actually give us scripts that we can use-- very helpful. You said, parents and children speak two different languages. Lucky for us, you speak both. But you talk about tantrums. You talk about whining. You talk about sibling rivalry. And you walk us through how we should handle it. But you got me when you said, about discipline, you do not believe in discipline, like thinking chairs or timeouts--
NATE BURLESON:
00:02:32
Taking away privileges. --or taking away privileges. Yes. You got me with that. What do you think is the right thing to do? It's a little confusing. So using objects and privileges, I control that. I give and I take it away. And this makes it all about me and you. But my role as a parent is not to teach you what I feel and what I think. It's more about how you can be in the world and self-discipline, self-regulate, self-manage. So when I send you to the chair to think about what you did, I want you to think what I think you did. And I don't actually have that control over someone else's mind, including my child. You have to get to the root of the problem, not just punish. Because they don't learn anything.
SIGGIE COHEN:
00:03:17
Yes. So one system is only behaviors, and one is only emotions. And basically, we, as humans, have behaviors and emotions. And the parent has to understand both of them.
NATE BURLESON:
00:03:28
Yes. Specialists have organized a child's personality into three categories-- feisty, flexible, and fearful. How important is it to meet your kids where they are individually? I think very important. It also makes your job a little easier. Because in parenting, there's a lot of expectations. And where do these expectations come from? From my thoughts and feelings, from my way. And when I understand the child and where they're coming from, I begin to actually be a little bit more open minded, accept, understand diversity and teach diversity because who you are is really where it all begins. And it helps me approach and respond differently somewhat. Maybe I'm still grounded and confident, and I stay who I am. But children are different. And what they take from us is because of who they are, not just because of what I give them. Well, Dr. Cohen, you are the parent.
NORAH O'DONNELL:
00:04:30
You Are the Parent. It's a great title. Yes. Great advice. Lots of scripts in here, too, for people to use. Thank you. It's on sale now. Scan the QR code to buy it today.
