Nearly 75 million Americans play fantasy football every year. And what do any of those folks have in common besides the love of football and gambling? Well, I can all but guarantee you they all have most or every single one of these types of players to deal with.
Here are the seven types of players you’ll find in your Fantasy League.
1. The Over-achiever
He starts working on mock drafts two weeks after the Super Bowl. He is an idiot savant regarding every stat and knows exactly who to handcuff with every first, second and even third round draft pick. He has every team’s depth chart memorized. This guy belongs to no less than five fantasy leagues, at least two of them are PPR, one is an auction league and the other is a two-quarterback league. And as much as you and your pals treat him with ridicule, he beat you by double-digits this week.
2. The Commish
He’s the poor guy you all get to do your dirty work and then chronically complain about what a terrible job he’s doing. Countless hours of conversation are spent on how you’d run the league better only you would NEVER run this league! He often spends so much time dealing with the players’ woes and trying to collect cash that he can’t possible pay close enough attention to his roster. He’s lucky if he ever makes the playoffs. He swears every Sunday he will never run this league again. Of course, you all talk him into doing it again next year.
3. The Girl
Only don’t you dare call her a girl. She has a foul-mouth and eats, sleeps and breaths football yet is simultaneously ultra feminine. She’s no statistician; she typically goes with her gut. And while she may not have all the facts, she’s sure astute when it comes to what’s going on behind the scenes. You suspect she may have even dated a player or two. Don’t bother to ask, she doesn’t kiss and tell. And don’t you dare underestimate her. She will call you out when you offer her a ridiculous trade like Cecil Shorts and Golden Tate for Le’Veon Bell, scoffing at the request, refusing to even give you Joique Bell for those losers.
4. The Auto-Drafter
He also eats, sleeps and breathes football, that is, he did before he was married. He gave his wife the head’s up on his league’s draft date more than a month in advance, but one of the kids left school early with an earache that day so he was needed at home. Left to his own devices he would lay on the couch all day Sunday with four different TV’s covering games across the country. Instead, he can barely keep track on how his players are performing because he has to check on the app in the bathroom at the apple farm or while pumpkin picking. He spends so much time in the loo his wife wants him to get his prostate checked. He’s reduced to setting his lineup on the train ride to work because God forbid his wife catches him logging in at home.
5. The Blow Hard
He knows for sure exactly who is going to explode this season and who will break-through each and every week and will continuously accost you with his knowledge in an obnoxious, garrulous manner. Of course, he’s always completely wrong. The only thing worse than the verbal diarrhea is his brooding after a particularly difficult one-point loss. Despite his missteps you can count on him to make the playoffs every year. And lose.
6. The Rundown Ignorer
This guy has been begging to rejoin your league for years now. The last time you allowed him in he forgot to set his roster for the fourth time that season and cost you a spot in the playoffs. However, you acquiesce. He holds his own for the first three weeks when suddenly he goes M.I.A. He feigns a glitch in the system and registers a feeble attempt at a complaint with The Commish, but you all know better. He’ll forget to set his roster next week too, leaving Tom Brady on the bench the week after his bye.
7. The Homer
Who doesn’t want at least one of these guys in their league? Not only are they delusional about players on the team they root for and draft them unapologetically – they refuse to pick up any superstars from their biggest rivals leaving the fruit of their loyalty ripe for the picking. Drafting behind a Ravens fan that ignores Antonio Brown in the first round because he refuses to root for the Steelers? Yes please!
Tara Lipinsky is a major football freak and a die-hard Saints fan. She also roots for any teams who have QB’s with the last name Manning. They are, after all, from New Orleans. Tara provides her voice over talents to CBS Local Sports Radio Round Up and several Play.it podcasts. She lives in New York for the time being with her daughters, The Foxettes, and her dog Bayou St. John.
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