Secrets to Successful Kids

I'm emceeing a couple of events in the next few weeks that are guaranteed to be great. I can't always say that with confidence before an event, but the topics of both talks really seem to touch a nerve in every community. The Davis Parent University Lecture Series is featuring two best selling authors (and now nationally known speakers) who are experts on the state of mind of students and children in the U.S. today. I can honestly tell you they have changed the way I parent.

I just finished reading the first book, "The Price of Privilege" by Dr. Madeline Levine, a Marin County Mom and psychologist. The biggest "take-away" I learned from her is to change the message I send my kids about their education. When I help with their homework, or encourage them to study for a test, my focus is now much more now on making sure they learn to love learning and not focus solely on the end result, grades. Normally, I don't throw a fit when my kids don't get "As", but I have emphasized (repeatedly) how important it is to get good grades: so they can get into a good college, then get a good job so they can live a "happy" life. While that may be true to some extent, kids learn and go to school for so much more than that! True happiness is so much broader than what's considered success and achievement by the outside world...it's about what drives you from the inside out...what lights your passion and fuels your sense of confidence.

I have yet to finish reading the second book, "NurtureShock", co-authored by Ashley Merryman, JD (juris doctorate). However, the chapters I've read so far have already hit home. Among other things, Merryman highlights the very research that supports that broader definition of happiness I just described. She also describes what research has found: that students who were told they put in a "good effort" with their studies were far more willing to push themselves than those who were told they were smart. The kids who felt they were good at doing the work were actually more likely to take risks, which has been proven to be a key ingredient in success. The kids who felt they were "smart" were more afraid to fail. It seems very straightforward, doesn't it? And yet how many of us have told our kids how smart they are? I know I have, thinking I was helping build their self-esteem. I never thought about how it might have the opposite effect! I can't wait to read more.

So, did any of this touch a chord in you? Want to hear more? The first talk (by Dr. Levine) is Friday, January 28, 7:00PM- 9:00PM at Freeborn Hall on the U.C. Davis campus. It's free, but on-campus parking will cost you $6. The second talk ( by Ashley Merryman) is on Saturday February 12th from 9am -12pm at the Brunelle Theater at Davis High School. Their books will be available at each event, and the authors will be signing them. I hope to see you there!