Helping children understand the complexities of war
PITTSBURGH (KDKA) - Dr. Debi Gilboa, or Dr. G, is a nationally renowned expert on parenting and resilience, as well as a family medicine doctor, and she is one of many Jewish people in the Pittsburgh region with close connections to the war in Israel. Her oldest son is in the Israeli military.
"My kids are Israeli citizens, and my oldest son is doing his required military service right now in Israel. He's a combat soldier, and I have seven cousins and good friends and their kids who've all been called up into the reserves," she said.
Dr. Gilboa speaks around the world as an expert on resilience, and that's being put to the test.
"I think, like a lot of people, I feel a whole bunch of emotions, often conflicting emotions. And I feel like my resilience is really being tested, and that's true of a lot of people I know. And millions of people that I don't."
Many people in our community have connections to this war, so what can parents do to help kids understand?
The American Academy of Pediatrics says for kids under eight who won't learn about it, you don't need to say anything, but if they will hear about it, start by asking what they know.
"Whenever we talk to our kids about hard things, it's better to figure out where they are before we come in like a fire hose or come in with emotions that don't match theirs," Dr. Gilboa says.
She suggests we ask things like: "Tell me what you know so far?" and "What are your thoughts?"
Then, consider removing apps with news they may see, like YouTube, TikTok, and Instagram, especially for kids in elementary school. For middle and high school kids, talk about what they're seeing and how to tell if it's real or fake.
"So I really want us to talk to our kids about online content, looking for how they do the trick, meaning could this be real? How would we know? How do you decide? And when your child brings you something and says, 'This is true', you could say, 'I wonder? Let's go see if we can together find out.'"
A child may see what's happening in Israel, Ukraine, and Taiwan and wonder, will this turn into World War III?
Dr. Gilboa says, "It is really our inclination as parents to want to say, 'Don't be scared. Don't be sad. Don't be worried.' But telling somebody what not to feel never works, and it's pretty disrespectful because what they hear is, 'Your feelings are dumb. You should have different ones.'"
Instead, Dr. Gilboa says to listen to your child's fears and let them know it's okay to be scared. You can also do something to help, like help a charity, make a picture of what you're feeling and post it on social media, or call a friend close to the wars just to let them know you're thinking of them.
"The thing about the Jewish community is that it's small enough, and also here in Pittsburgh, there's a saying that all roads lead through Jerusalem, which is a geopolitical statement, but kind of all Jewish roads lead through Pittsburgh. There's a lot of connection here."
And with the increase in anti-Semitism and Islamaphobia since the war began, Dr. Gilboa says it's good to ask your older kids what they are hearing and talk about your family values.
For more advice for parents and families, go to Kidsburgh.com.
