Why A Quiet Child May Not Be Shy

When a child is quiet, it is often mistaken for shyness, but there is a world of difference between an introverted child and a shy child.

"An introverted child is quiet and reserved," says Miriam Arond, editor in chief of Child magazine, which published an article this month on introverted children.

"They tend to be the observers. They actually find social stimulation kind of draining. They are not the kind of kids who love to go to parties, but they are not unhappy. They are just sort of happy taking it in. These are the kids who may end up becoming the scholars, the problem-solvers," Arond says.

On the other hand, shy kids actually become anxious in a social situation and clam up. Also, shyness is something children often outgrow, but introverts will stay introverts for life.

When should a parent worry?

If a child who is 7 or older is having problems at school, either with relating to others or being excessively uncomfortable in new situations, parents might need to step in. It is important not to step in too soon, because it sends a message that there is something wrong with the quiet child.

Also, even though children are put in early social situations such as day care, play groups and pre-school, children younger than 7 often don't have the skills needed to navigate these social waters without encountering any problems.

To help your child break out of his or her shell, be a good role model.

"Every time you take them to the supermarket or post office, you deal with the cashier, you are showing how you interact," Arond says, pointing out that you can involve your child by asking him or her to hand the money to the cashier. "A lot of us try to do errands while the children are in school. Those are learning opportunities. Try and take your child along in the community."

When dealing with an introverted child in a family of extroverts, realize that it's not a problem. Each of your children has different temperaments and they have to be respected and admired for who they are.

"There are many strengths to being an introvert," Arond says. "They have long concentration spans, long attention spans. These are the kids who like puzzles. Think about activities that that child can succeed in: art or yoga. So don't compare them. Just appreciate each of them for who they are."